Hi, I am trying to write a life goal paper for a scholarship. I don't really know what else to put. Can anyone help? This is what I have so far.
People are always asked what they want to do when they get older. Many people however, don't know yet. Most the time that is the first time they've ever thought about it. When I think about my life goals the one I think about the most out of all of them would be me wanting to get a degree in Athletic Training. I want to become an athletic trainer, because I have been around sports most of my life.
I am in a family of seven. Next year, my mom will be trying to find a way for three of us to go to school. In order to make my life goal come true, I would need help with paying to college. With the help from the Latta Scholarship I believe my parents would find it a little easier.
Another goal I have would be to go to a two-year school and than transfer to a four-year school. By going to both a two-year and four-year college. I will be able to get all the classes and information I need to be a successful athletic trainer.
Becoming an athletic trainer is important to me because ever since I started high school I knew with being involved in sports that is what I wanted to do with my life. I am a very willing person to help others out and I believe this will be a perfect fit for me. Doing the two things I love, helping people and being around sports. I haven't thought about doing something else, the past couple of years.
We all want to go to college and make our dream come true. Please help me make my dream come true of going to school to become an athletic trainer. With the help from the Latta Scholarship I will be able to go to college and make it happen, while making it easier for my parents.
Thanks! :)
You touch on solid ideas, but they seem a little bland and broken up. Try combining sentences in some way, maybe throwing in some more exploratory language. For instance:
"Young people often face the question of what they want to do when they get older. Some might improvise, calling upon their current interests to paint a picture of a future that the asker might find exciting or impressive, but most are left at a loss."
There you've cut out a clunky sentence, gained a little flow, and still have the whole idea. Don't be afraid to use your true voice, put some feeling into it!
Also, you have strong points for your consideration, but you introduce what appear to be merely the basics.
"I come from a family of seven"
Are you the eldest? Middle? Youngest? Male? Female? Are they brothers, sisters?
"In order to make my life goal come true"
Maybe extrapolate on your goals here a little more. Where do you plan to head professionally? Why? Who/what was/is the inspiration?
Becoming an athletic trainer is important to me because ever since I started high school I knew with being involved in sports that is what I wanted to do with my life
First, this sentence is a little confusing in its writing. It could use a little more strategic punctuation. Back to the previous topic, give some details. What sports? What aspects of them do you like? How, specifically, did they lead you to the pursuit of your goals?
"Doing the two things I love, helping people and being around sports"
This sentence is extraneous and also a fragment. Though it is important to express these interests, try to do so creatively by expressing how you enjoy helping people and in what capacity you enjoy being around sports.
In addition, you need to rewrite your conclusion into something with a much stronger voice and clearer closing point. As it is, it's pretty cliche and sounds dangerously close to begging, which you should be very careful with. You do not want to beg them for their financial help, you want to show them that you have earned it.
Finally, here is your essay as it is with some technical editing:
People are always (often? word choice) asked what they want to do (be? word choice) when they get older. However , many people don't know yet. Most of the time that is the first time they've ever thought about it. When I think about my life goals, the one I think about the most out of all of them would be me wanting(my desire? word choice) to get a degree in Athletic Training. I want to become an athletic trainer, because I have been around sports most of my life.
I am in (from? word choice) a family of seven. Next year, my mom will be trying to find a way for three of us to go to school. In order to make my life goal come true, I would need help with paying to college. With the help from the Latta Scholarship, I believe my parents would find it a little easier.
Another goal I have would be to go to a two-year school and than then transfer to a four-year school. By going to both a two-year and four-year college, I will be able to get all the classes and information I need to be a successful athletic trainer.
Becoming an athletic trainer is important to me because ever since I started high school I knew with being involved in sports that is what I wanted to do with my lifeReword this . I am a very willing person to help others outReword this part, doesn't make sense and I believe this will (would? word choice) be a perfect fit for me, d oing the two things I love, helping people and being around sports. I haven't thought about doing somethinganything (word choice) else, the past couple of years.
We all want to go to college and make our dream come true. Please help me make my dream come true of going to school to become an athletic trainerPlease help me make my dream of being an athletic trainer come true . With the help from the Latta Scholarship I will be able to go to college and make it happen(repetitive , while making it easier for my parents.
Overall, you seem to have your goals in mind and an idea of how to explain them. However, you need to work on fully expressing your ideas and adding more specifics to your writing. After you finish a draft, make sure you read it out loud to determine how well the piece flows and whether or not there is any redundancy or flawed writing.
Good luck in all your college endeavours from one college hopeful to the next. It's a lot of work, but we got this brother!
