-Hello! This is an essay for my scholarship for an exchange program in the United States. I am not a native speaker and I would love to hear some of your comments or ideas. Thank you! (Word minimum is 900 words)
Why Do I Want To Become An Exchange Student In The US.?
I love the airports. The pulsating energy going through your veins and filling your whole body with so much excitement. Watching people rushing around with illegible faces and wondering where they are probably heading. Desire to experience something new. I know, many people do not like new things, they are even terrified of them. They would rather spend their whole life living in one place and having one job than find the courage to do a single change, simply because they are scared. Since I have been a little kid, this has not been my case. Even as a baby, I loved exploring, challenges, I had no boundaries. And my attitude to life has not changed since then.
Already as an elementary school student, I felt different about my life than my peers. They dreamt about going to local colleges, travelling to neighbouring countries, but I knew I could never be satisfied with that. My heart required adventures, challenges to overcome, unusual and unique experiences. I needed to get out of comfort zone. What for other people can be the scariest thing, was essential to me. I dreamt of traveling to the outermost and the most exotic countries, attending not the best universities in the country, but in the world, hiking not through the nearest mountains, but through Pacific Crest Trail, 2,650 miles long walk. 'Dream Big,' was definitely my motto and I have never given up that. Of course, I knew that most of my goals would likely not come true, but even the smallest hope or probability kept them alive.
That was and still is the type of person I am. Determined to achieve my dreams, no matter how ridiculous they can seem to someone.
Naturally, there were countless people in my life who did not believe in me, questioned my ambitions, were skeptical, or rolled their eyes whenever I mentioned something that seemed impossible and unfeasible to them. I have always ignored these people, no matter how hard it can sometimes be. I know that my ambitions, determination, and goals are much more fulfilling for me than anything else. They make me stronger and a better person in general, because I have something in my mind to work for, no matter how distant it can be.
One of my biggest dreams I have had since I have been a little kid was travelling to the US as an exchange student. I do not know how I came up with that idea, maybe it was my father who attended a high school in the state of Washington himself, but I immediately fell in love with that program. Looking back, I can imagine 10-years old me, sitting in class and explaining every unnecessary detail to anyone who was willing to listen for hours.
At first, it was the United States of America that charmed me. Skyscrapers in NYC, mountains in Colorado, beaches at both coasts, every single place and detail. I was impressed by everything coming from the US. Needless to say, I was a bit naive sometimes, but I simply wanted to believe in my 'American dream' so much.
Another great thing about America is its educational system, which is so different from the Czech one. I am simply frustrated to be in class with thirty other classmates, who show no interest in the curriculum and who just stare apathetically into the wall during the whole school period. Yes, I am upset, because I want to study political systems, journalism, and international relations, and that is only remotely reminiscent of what I learn by heart every day at school. "Why should I study so much chemistry and physics, when I am more interested in details from civics and English?" I keep asking myself every time as I open my textbook, trying to memorize countless dates and facts, only to get A and neglect what I am talented at. I want to get education that would push me forward, go to school where I can get general overview, but still focus on what I am good at and choose subjects and their levels. That is something the Czech educational system does not give me.
I also love sports. Outdoor activities, skiing, jogging, and golf in particular... Unfortunately, the connection between sports and education in the Czech Republic is almost impossible, compared to the United States. In the Czech Republic, sports are not part of the school and as aftermath, I perceive a big lack of community, togetherness, and connection. I want to experience the American high schools' sports where everyone gets the chance and is a part of a big whole. Additionally, I think conditions for training golf in the US are better because golf is much more expanded there, thus getting the chance to get even better at the sport I love is really important to me.
Undoubtedly, I also want to improve myself academically outside of the school class. Therefore, clubs in the US. are a great opportunity for me. The huge number of extracurricular activities offers me to involve in what I am interested in. Even in the Czech Republic, I am part of the Debate club and I am volunteering in a local place for seniors and those activities are really fulfilling. Therefore, I would love to continue in developing those interests, but also in pursuing new ones.
I can quite clearly imagine myself waking up at 6 a.m., tired, but excited. Have breakfast, wish my host family a nice day, take that typical yellow bus, go to school, and study the subjects I am interested in. Then I would go to a Debate club, German club, or anything else I will be fascinated about. Later, I would attend a golf, cross country, or skiing training, I would go home, have dinner and a chat with a host family, I would do my homework and fall asleep. Exhausted, but happy.
I know how basic this could sound to someone, but every day as an exchange student in the US. I would learn something new about myself. I know it will not be always easy and that I will also have to get through hard times, but life is not supposed to be easy. That is what makes it beautiful. I do not exactly know what the future will bring, but that is exciting, isn't it? I am looking forward to meeting new people, getting more fluent at the language I love, broadening my horizons, getting out of my comfort zone, and a new perspective on the world.
And that is why I want to become an exchange student in the United States of America.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,630 3477
The focus of your discussion is too much of the tourist kind. It does not lend itself to an actual exchange student experience which should focus on the academic, social, and bilateral relationship benefits between the USA and your home country. That is not to say that your essay is totally unusable. There are portions that you can use for the revised essay. However, you will not be able to use the informal discussions, unfocused topics, and tourist sounding ideas.
Revise the essay based on paragraphs 5,6,7, 9. Revise these to sound more like a personal growth and development path. Then add a paragraph or two that discusses the bilateral relations of your country with America. Explain how previous students have benefited from the exchange program and what you hope to learn during this time, in relation to America as a world leader and why you feel it is important that you be able to share what you learn when you go back home. After that, talk about how your participation can help increase the friendly relationship of the two countries. This could be through simply having an educational experience with your host family, where they learn about your culture and traditions and vice versa or, through membership in US leadership organizations where you can share your leadership abilities, while explaining how your country's political system works, and why or how the US can emulate these aspects for increased leadership abilities on the part of the US. Any information that shows you have some skills that will help increase the learning experience on both sides.