How did you become interested in your area of academic focus? What influenced your choice of this ma

My area of academic focus stems from two different parts, a love of teaching and an interest in math. Throughout childhood to adulthood students are asked the question, "What are you going to do when you grow up?" Some kids want to be movie stars, NFL players, or musicians and then they changed their mind every year as their interests and perspective on life changed. For as long as I can remember I wanted to be a teacher. I wavered on what age and subject I wanted to teach but now that I am in college I have decided to go into secondary education focusing in math.

In my senior year of high school I did a volunteer teaching experience for a class of sixth graders for a season. I taught them the language of ASL and about another culture. They played games and afterwards received a lesson about teamwork and sportsmanship. They presented and I saw how cohesive they were as a group when some students became nervous and the others wanted to help and show them the next sign. At the end of the season the class signed a Christmas song and one parent came up to me and told me how her girl looked forward to each time I was coming to class and how she was so happy learning the new language and with her progress. That and seeing the children's faces light up throughout my class was a defining part of my life. That is when I knew teaching is really my dream job.

I started out liking math because I was good at it; it felt rewarding to be able to understand it easily and make good grades in math. Then as I started to take harder math classes concepts didn't always come as easily but it was okay because I enjoy a good problem. Math gives me intellectual satisfaction when I can add one concept onto another to solve a problem or when there is a hard problem and it takes work and critical thinking to get the solution. It is an objective field and once I solve the problem I can know that I did it right. As I learn more about math I understand how it connects to the world around us and how important it is to society.

Throughout my time in school and volunteer experience I found out what I love and that is the driving force behind the decision of my major. I have been the personal recipient of great teachers and seen what impact a good teacher can make in a student's life. I know that if I do my dream job right I can inspire youth and lead them into their dream jobs and successful futures. I will be studying and teaching on a subject that I find fascinating the more I learn about it. My area of academic focus is something that I know I am intrigued by and know I can make a difference in my community with it.

Hi Anna, listen, the way you spoke about how teaching kids ASL had a great impact upon your academic focus really left me amazed at your dedication to your future job. You clearly made the connection between the focus and how you plan to continue to use the influence well into your permanent career.

I noticed that you said that you will be having Math as your academic focus. So I am wondering as to why you talk more about your experience with ASL students as a volunteer instead of talking in great detail about your interest in Math? Your experience (if any) in teaching / tutoring the subject, and any other experience that could help the reviewer understand that this is your chosen focus. Maybe you could pull back o the ASL experience and try to integrate some of that information in the Math aspect of your statement? I don't really think you need to introduce ASL in the story because it confuses your academic focus.

When I first read your paper, I read the part about you concentrating on math and then immediately forgot about it because the next statement in your paragraph concentrated on ASL, which is another area of academic focus totally unrelated to Math. You spoke in great detail about how that experience influenced your decision to become an educator. However, I believe it confuses the essay so I suggest that you focus on only one academic focus, Math. Then try to use the teaching experience you got from ASL in such a manner that it can be assumed that you gained that experience while tutoring / teaching other students about Math. Talking about ASL immediately after saying you want to focus on Math and then issuing only short paragraph about Math towards the end makes it seem like you have 2 academic focuses. Tighten the paper and concentrate on the academic focus you are absolutely sure to pursue in the future. Don't confuse the reviewer.

BTW, I found something to correct in your essay:

then they changed their mind every year - the children continuously do this so it is a present action.

- ..a love offor teaching...
- ...they changed( "change" should remain in the present tense as you are writing an ongoing action )

- ..I knew teaching is really( I suggest deleting the word "really" because it makes your essay indecisive and this does not help your essay at all ) my dream job.

- I started out likingfocusing on math because...
- ..I was good at it; , it felt rewarding...
- Then as I started to take hardermore challenging math..
- classes, and the concepts...
- didn't always come as easilyeasy
- buthowever it was okay because I enjoy a good problemabsolutely rewarding and I enjoy every moment of it .

This is the help I'd like to give. I hope it enhances your essay. There's a lot of follow through, I know that English is not your strongest point but don't worry it's not your weakest either. However, there's still a lot of room for improvement and practice makes a lot of difference in your writing skills.