"Becoming a Musician by self teaching" - Scholarship Essay

[Moved from]: "Becoming a Musician by self teaching" - Scholarship Essay

Hey there, I have to write an essay for obtaining a great scholarship, I would like if you guys help me to evaluate it in terms of language and voice. All feedback is welcome

Becoming a Musician

Describe, in less than 300 words, an exceptional achievement that highlights your academic and CCA interests that would be of value to the University community.

Becoming a Musician Is not just the biggest Accomplishment I have achieved but also the one which has satisfied me the most. As a teenager, I couldn't afford music classes easily, neither have contacts between my family or friends; all I got was this passionate desire. That's why I took it as a Challenge; teaching myself about electronic music till the point I could make my own songs.

Being Self-Taught and committed led me to raise a career as a Musician and an Entrepreneur. I used all the tools I learned in school and life about researching and getting knowledge, it took me months to learn the basic (I'm still learning), but it was extremely worthy, this goal brought a lot of gratifying experiences into my life: reaching more than 20.000 plays worldwide, being on stage at my prom party, getting my music into Spotify and other music stores, creating my own merchandising and selling it in entrepreneur exhibitions, designing my webpage; just the fact of knowing that I had more than 10 songs was fabulous. Those acts intensified the love I had for music, plus help me to see it from a new perspective as I develop administration skills when managing all the aspects of my career.

Nowadays I think that music is the bridge to a better culture, and I want to spread that message to the world through my future label, to change the way we think about music, to turn it into a lifestyle, a way to improve as human beings, Either Through Music Festivals, Lyrics or dynamic activities in social spaces like Campus; also want to teach people that they can become whatever they want, even if they don't have any sort of help, just by beating their minds and their limits.

What you wrote highlights more of your being a social media influencer than being an academically exceptional student. The fact that you said "I'm still learning" will not be good for your application. Being self-taught, not so much either as the scholarship is looking for musically inclined and academically exceptional students to sponsor. There is a need to refocus the essay on your music related academic achievements in a way that can best relate to your self-study in music. The focus should be less on your ability to influence people via social media. That is not something that can contribute to the community at the university. However, if you rephrase the presentation to say that you hope to share that self-learned information with your peers, then it might be considered acceptable as an academic and CCA achievement.

If you are self taught, then mentioning some competitions that you won, as a self-taught participant, would definitely be plus points for your application. As of now, the essay doesn't deliver the required information. It's not about being a social media influencer. The academic part is what is lacking in your application. Everything in the presentation is self-taught and self-learned. That is where the problem with your application, no matter how impressive, may come in. Reformatting the presentation may help with that problem.

Got you, Focus more on the Academic part of self learning than the CCA Achievements I have made with It. Thank you a lot for the feed, Do you think I should still mention Music that much ?