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'The best Physician Family' - Questbridge Biographical Essay

atorres76 1 / -  
Aug 12, 2015   #1
We are interested in learning more about you and the context in which you have grown up, formed your aspirations and accomplished your academic successes. Please describe the factors and challenges that have most shaped your personal life and aspirations. How have these factors caused you to grow?- I am not sure if my essay answers all the questions, can someone help me please?!

As soon as the back steps began to creek, I would cringe with excitement, Daddy was finally home! Immediately when the door would open I would spring out of bed and run into my father's tired, and dirty arms. He would pick me up, put me over his stressed shoulders, and take me to bed. I would anxiously wait in bed every night until my dad arrived home, it didn't matter if I had to wait until 12:00 am or later. I wanted to see my dad before I went to sleep because that would be the only time I got to see him.

My dad has always shown himself to be extremely hardworking, and resilient. Nothing or no one can stop him from achieving what he wants, and I admire him for that. Growing up, I remember accompanying my dad to his job to help him because frankly, I wanted to be like him. He was a construction worker and he always carried a tool belt on him, consequently, I made him buy me one as well. I was persistent in being near my dad and it was almost impossible to separate me from him.

However, because my dad was so hard working it was hard to get a chance to spend time with him. He was always worried about earning enough money for the week to pay bills and to provide for his two daughters. When he would get home his clothes were dirty with paint, cement, dirt and so much more. Nonetheless, every time he walked in through that back door he received me with the biggest smile, and kindest arms.

As the years passed, my dad and I would sit at the table for hours finishing homework. My dad cared about my education and took the time to help me with my homework, but he was very inpatient. Every time I got something wrong he would get frustrated and I would get sad because of his frustration. However, his frustration stuck to me and every time I sat down with him I was determined to not get questions wrong. I would get everything right to make him happy. Since then I don't work to make my dad frustrated, I work to make him happy and the proudest dad on earth.

A couple of years ago my family and I received some news that changed our family dynamic and me as a person. My dad had an affair, and it broke all the trust that there was. I began to distance myself from my father. I no longer had the desire to be near him. I never stopped talking to him, but our conversations weren't the same. They were more concise. I didn't want to talk to him. There was too much pain and I couldn't get over it. My grades dropped, and I held a grudge.

The first year that I started high school I didn't really know what I wanted to do with my life. I was used to having my dad's guidance, and it wasn't there anymore, but I needed it more than ever. I decided to forgive my dad and let go of what had happened because I needed my dad. It took that whole year for me to forgive him. I came to apprehend that I couldn't change what he had done, but I could change who I was going to become. That was the last year that I got a B on my report card.

My relationship with my dad is still repairing itself, but he is my biggest support. My father pushes me extremely hard. He expects so much from me and that is what keeps me motivated. Because of my father's support I have decided to pursue a career in medicine and he is there to make sure that I do pursue it. Nothing can compare to the sacrifice that my dad makes for me every day financial wise. Whatever I need, wherever I have to go he is there to take me or to give me what I need. My dad has taken me every morning to school, and to every meeting and program that I have.

Because I know that I have such a strong support system, I have taken every opportunity that has been presented to me. I have gone to Nicaragua to build a foundation for a school with buildOn. I have been a student of MAAP (Medicina Apprentice Academy Program) for the past four years, where I get to learn about medicine. I received my CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant) certificate. I also participated in Chase your Dreams: Discovering Healthcare Careers, internship at Ann & Robert H. Lurie Children's Hospital of Chicago. This internship was my best experience regarding healthcare and it has reinforced my aspirations of going into medicine. In addition, I had the chance to take a Medical Terminology class, which is probably the best class I have ever taken. Moreover, I am a Chicago Scholars scholar for the class of 2020.

Being in team sports and participating in community service has shaped me into who I am. Interacting with different types of people teach me new things every day. In participating in a group dynamic I have been able to work on my leadership skills and improve them. Thus, allowing me to become the Co-Captain of the Cross Country team. In addition I have also been able to conduct Community service. It has made me more humble and grateful. It made me realize that I am at my happiest when I see others happy.

As I begin my senior year I am more anxious than ever, but I know that I can get everything done. I have a great support system behind me that will push me through every hurdle that comes my way. With every hurdle I overcome, I will be a step closer to becoming the best Family Physician that I can be.
soniap55 1 / 2  
Aug 14, 2015   #2
a few things:
first off, you definitely have a great story to tell. be confident! You answered the prompt so don't worry.
2. You say "would" A LOT in the first paragraph. Too much.
3. First paragraph-change "creek" to "creak"
4. Hard working should be hard-working.
5. there's various grammar things here and there. i'd turn it over to an english teacher or older person. I list a few above but there's more.

6. take out that whole paragraph about all your accomplishments. the last thing an essay should be is a list of accomplishments because it comes off as bragging.

7. Change "chicago scholars scholar" to "chicago scholar"
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Aug 19, 2015   #3
- However, because my dad wasis so hard
- ..homework, but he was very inpatientimpatient .
- ...with him I was determined to not get questions wrongnot to have wrong answers to the questions .
- ...and I held a grudge.
- My relationship with my dad is still repairing itselfcoping ,
- Because [font#0000FF( it's not good to start a sentence with the word "because") I know that I have such a strong support system,

@atorres, it is indeed a very rewarding feeling to see people happy, especially when you are part of their happiness.
This act of kindness that you do now, will have an effect to people's lives that you have touched, I believe thats one magic that one person can give while making themselves happy at the same time. Good luck on your pursuit of dreams and never change your kindness towards yourself and to others.

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