Please I would love it if you help me in correcting this essay. This scholarship means alot to me. Thank you very much.
This is what they asked for;
- Motivations with which you apply for this program
- Personal background in family and education
- Significant experiences you have had; risks you have taken and achievements you have made, persons or events that have had a significant influence on you
- Extracurricular activities such as club activities, community service activities or work experiences
- If applicable, describe awards you have received, publications you have made, or skills you have acquired, etc.
Here goes:
Growing up as a child, I was always inclined towards innovation and technology but in contrast, I was brought up in a country where technology is not much on the innovative side. Electricity is seldom available, people dieing in hospitals because of sub-standard machines, products and machines are never manufactured rather they are being imported and so on. This did not match up the mindset that I had already built about technology stirring up the passion in me to cause a change in my country and also the world. I see technology as a basic necessity in the human life and should be available to everyone who needs it so i have decided to apply for this scholarship to make this dream feasible.
With the help and support of my parents I have succesfully completed all my levels of education up to this point. In high school, i was elected as a House Captain which gave me the opportunity to serve my school selflessly to the best of my abilities. I was a member of the JETS Club(Juniour Engineers, Technicians and Scientists) in my school. During this period I embarked on various researches and projects such as The design and manufacture of an Inverter.This experience has built my knowledge of Math, Physics and even Chemistry which are my core subjects as a Prospective Engineer. Throughout my High School, I spend my holidays with my Father in his Solar company. Doing this, I was exposed to more insight knowledge and training on the generation of electricity through solar panels which is a renewable energy gradually taking over the world. I have gone on field works, installations and structural designing giving me an essential experience in my field of study.
From childhood I have being a member of The Boys Brigade, an organisation that trains young boys to be disciplined and focused. Joining this organisation has made me partake in various community services such as clearing of gutters, construction of roads and drainage systems, clearing of bushes, visitations to orphanages and even providing security for the community. I also gained the experience of survival in critical conditions. I have enroled myself into a Trade course in Electrical Installation and Maintenance Work providing me with the do's and dont's of Electrical Installations and how to start up a business in this field. In my High School, I succesfully started a group called TMS(Tenacious Men of Success). This group has helped my school to see technology from a different view and perspective. This group did not only deal on technology alone but also on Social events that brought students together for better interaction through musical concerts. I have also secured a Certificate in Citizenship and Leadership Training which has also added to my realisation of leadership and criterias of being a good leader.
Korea, as a country modernised in technology judging by the country's infrastructure and also Korean coorperatons like Hyundai,Samsung and LG has made Korea a very fascinating place to study engineering. I would like to further my studies in Korea to enable me acquire the knowledge I need for the developement I hope to bring to the world. I hope to be selected for this scholarship to aid me financially and also intellectually enabling me to make a mark on the Universe as I have always dreamed of.
Important - you must give more useful comments to avoid account suspension.
Hallo philo,
i have corrected your writing, i have some corrections
1. at this sentence: "Electricity is seldom available, people dieingdying in hospitals because of ...
2. at this sentence: "... I spend my holidays with my Father in his Solar C ompany"
for the places, it should using a capital at the first alphabet.
3. "I have enroll ed myself into a Trade course"
there are some typo over there, please correct before you post your writing.
thank you, wish it useful. keep writing ^^
