I need your feedback to improve my essay.
Really appreciate your time and effort.
why those three university courses?
Prompt: Outline why you have selected your chosen three university courses, and explain how this relates to your previous academic or professional experience and your plans for the future. Please do not duplicate the information you have entered on the work experience and education section of this form (minimum word count: 100 words, maximum word count: 500 words)
Cambodia is parental home to thousands of critically endangered species, but, in fact, due to insufficiency of research studies and lack of public awareness and active participation from local residents and government, these species have been undergoing the extinction. The urgent need to encourage and educate people about the sustainable use of natural resource is significantly important. Working in the field of environmental conservation, therefore, has intrigued me to pursue high education in successful nation, like UK, towards conservation practices to gradually develop concrete ability and practical skills in biodiversity protection.
The course in Biodiversity Conservation and Ecosystem Management at Newcastle University is my first option. This course will allow me to tailor profound knowledge and practical management skills in plant identification, habitat research assessment and experimental techniques in a wide range of biodiversity conservation context in UK and Europe. More importantly, the course's modules will focus on complex issues and challenges of wildlife protection as well as solution approaches implemented by national level and non-governmental organizations. At this point, with my professional experience in conservational research and sustainable practices in Cambodia, I would be able to share and learn a clear picture on how the experimental designs are operated in both countries and eventually understand the gap for conservation practices improvement in my community. In addition, it will enable me to acquire hand-on research skills and scientific insights by actively designing conservation projects in laboratory and fieldwork of the institution.
My second choice is MSc in Biodiversity, Conservation, and Management at University of Oxford. I was impressed to learn that this course aims to build capacity to become future leaders and policy makers in biodiversity conservation and natural resource management with fundamental core on human concern, socio-economic, and political governance. In regard to my BSc in environmental conservation, it will be a stepping stone for me to newly discover policy decision and political highlights in terms of raising awareness and participation in ecosystem preservation. Furthermore, advanced technologies for future biodiversity conservation and management will be mainly focused with a connection to market-based research, which is a crucial need for effective implementation in Southeast Asia, like Cambodia.
Biodiversity and Conservation at the University of Sheffield is determined to be my third option for the Chevening Scholarship. This course is very special because it will expand my understanding of major conservation challenges and key environmental drivers across ecosystems from the tropics to the Arctic, and from forests to seas through a combination of laboratory experiments, field investigation, and problem-solving classes. Thus, I will be able to adopt capability and expertise with my previous academic and professional background in biodiversity protection to reach a point where critical, major factors are strictly addressed for polity making.
With aspects of pursuing graduate studies, I have considered a wide variety of factors to be the best fit for me to learn and improve personally and professionally in order to fulfill the ultimate goal of becoming a productive future researcher in biodiversity conservation.
Hi. Thanks for your consistent efforts in improving your writing. I am here to give you a brief feedback on this essay, and hopefully you will learn something out of it.
The first sentence needs to be deconstructed into two different sentences. One is about the main topic of the essay, while the other will focus on the research angle. If you compartmentalize your writing in this pattern, you will surely have a more detailed writing to work with. In turn, this will make your writing stand out a lot more.
Furthermore, the second paragraph also needs to be tailored down. While it was great that you had incorporated so many details, about midway of the writing, it was almost as if the writing itself was quite too flustered with content. I heavily recommend that you focus on prioritizing information that you need - this will help you with shortening content.