'Biomedical engineering as my career for life' - essay i wrote for scholarship

Engineering has been my passion since very early age. During the childhood, I had been involved in servicing and troubleshooting of various home appliances. I began to incline towards engineering when I heard one of my teachers saying "Everything in universe is engineering, even the rise of sun and flight of birds have some engineering behind."

I got interest in Biomedical engineering as my career for life because of its unique blend of life sciences with the technical skills of engineering. Biomedical is among the most rapidly growing discipline with the most attracting area for research and development. My preferred areas of interest remained in instrumentation and electronics. However, I am keen interested to pursue my further studies in nanoscience and nanotechnology. The advancement of nanotechnology and the effects it has had on civilization has always put my attraction towards it. I strongly belief that nanotechnology is an important resource, and will going to be more important to industry and medicine, as fields like Electronics and Computer Science are developed. To explore more myself my particulars and details of academic s are mention in below going paragraphs.

It is possible that the roots of my fascination with nanoscience came from a class lecture on nanotechnology. As dull and as eccentric as it may seem, the 50 minutes lecture that I attended became appealing for me to learn more about the subject in detail. After that, I went on internet and attended seminars, exploring the achievement and applications of nanotechnology from the space to medicine and from electronics to solar cells.

Keeping in view the increasing demand of better health, environmental sustainability and entertainment in public sector nanotechnology is considered to be the milestone in near future. The most interesting scientific literature on nanotechnology has pointed out three main areas of attraction for the people: nano-medicine, nano-energy and nano-environment, and nano- and information and communication technology. Marlene Porto, Director of the state-run Center for Investigation and Development of Medicines, told local newspaper Juventud Rebelde that Cuban scientists "are working on important pharmacological designs on a nanotechnological scale."

Pakistan being the under developed country and deprived of knowledge of highly new and grooming technologies it lacks behind in dealing with several issues related to health and environment sustainability. Pakistan has a very large number of intellectual workforce that posses the capability to change the fate of the country but owing to the less awareness and some constraints these people lack behind to put their contribution in the development of country. Proper guidance and support to such people will allow putting back such people on the right track. In this regards, organization like OFID and many others do not sit down and put the helping hands to support such massive contributors of the society.

Since Nanotechnology is a very nascent field and has bloomed in almost every field of science I decided to bring some the awareness of the newly prospering field to my country also. My first step towards it was my admission in KU Leuven University, Belgium where before me no Pakistani could ever reach in this technology.

I have strong believe and heart that with my skills and support of OFID I can contribute my part and enlist Pakistan's name in the list of countries who are enjoying and blessesed with the advent of such wonderful technology.

There are a lot of grammar mistakes in the first paragraph alone:
"since a very early age", "during the childhood" , "involved in the servicing and trouble-shooting", etc.
Also, avoid saying "To explore more myself my particulars and details of academic s are mention in below going paragraphs."
Instead, get straight to the point and just tell them about yourself and your academics, and how it relates to your passion for engineering. They should be able to understand from reading your essay that you are describing yourself. Otherwise, you have strong ideas, just fix up your grammar :)

I don't see anything wrong with grammar here and your writing seems quite good.

However I think your intro has the potential to be much more interesting to the reader if you pay some more attention and arrange its flow of ideas giving some more emotional touch .


I suggest some thing like;
I still remember my love for servicing electrical appliances at home when I was a kid. I was the first hand support to my mom every time she had an issue with home appliances. However, it is this saying of my teacher, "Everything in universe is engineering, even the rise of sun and flight of birds have some engineering behind", that made me seriously inclined towards the field of engineering.


Good sentence.

Biomedical is among the most rapidly growing disciplines with the most attracting area for research and development.

However, I am keen interested toon pursueing my further studies in nanoscience and nanotechnology

The advancement of nanotechnology and the effects it has had on civilization has always put drove my attractionserious attention towards it.

GOOD JOB n GOOD LUCK!!!

I am gratefull to all of you. The paragraphs I was worried about were last 3 or 4. I was not getting appropriat words to focus my contribution towards the society. If you people can comment on those also so I will give final shape to my eassy.

P.S. The Para starts with the name PAKISTAN.