The questions are:
List and describe three unique factors that have most shaped who you are (any obstacles you have faced or passions you have developed are especially relevant).
1. Bodybuilding:
For me, bodybuilding has little to do with aesthetics. Bodybuilding requires discipline and commitment, which shapes who I am in every aspect of life. While almost unrelated, bodybuilding reinforces my decision to become a software engineer. In order to see significant results in my body, I had to devise personalized workout programs and diets through constant trial and error. The enjoyment that comes off of creating something successful after tedious work is unmatched. Likewise, as a software engineer, knowing that the dedication and discipline it takes to create programs which will significantly impact someone's life for the better is wonderful.
2. Asthma and Music
With chronic asthma, my lifestyle choices had to be carefully chosen out. Being introduced to Clarinet, it was difficult to use my full breathing capacity. Every few measures, I found myself gasping for breath, whereas my fellow clarinetists easily played through full sections. However, if I could thank asthma for one thing, it would be for teaching me persistence. Had I quit playing clarinet due to my conditions early on, I wouldn't have been able to appreciate the theory behind music, or start practicing on a new developed interest... singing!
3. Being a Muslim
"Do you have C4's?" One of the many slurs I endured through in school, desperately wishing I could alienate myself from the rest of the world. It struck me odd as to how I can become the inadvertent object of racial slurs and discrimination for my skin color and beliefs I hold. It was only recently, however, I realized I shouldn't blame anyone other then myself. My attempts to conform with other religions hoping I could escape prejudice only ruined my own self image. I find it easier to be open minded and accepting of who I am and others.
It'd be great if you can point out any errors or things on how I can improve them, like sentence structures, style issues and etc?
1. Bodybuilding:
For me, bodybuilding has little to do with aesthetics. Bodybuilding requires discipline and commitment, which shapes who I am in every aspect of life. In fact, it is bodybuilding that reinforces my decision to become a software engineer. In order to see significant results in my body, I had to devise personalized workout programs and diets through constant trial and error. The enjoyment that comes from creating something successful after tedious work is unmatched. Likewise, as a software engineer, knowing that the dedication and discipline it takes to create programs which will significantly impact others' lives for the better is wonderful.
2. Asthma and Music
With chronic asthma, my lifestyle choices had to be carefully chosen out. When I started playingthe clarinet , it was difficult to use my full breathing capacity. [Why did you choose the clarinet if you had asthma?] Every few measures, I found myself gasping for breath, whereas my fellow clarinetists easily played through full sections. However, if I could thank asthma for one thing, it would be for teaching me persistence. Had I quit playing clarinet due to my condition early on, I wouldn't have been able to appreciate the theory behind music, or start practicing on a new developed interest, singing!
3. Being a Muslim
"Do you have C4's?" This was one of the many slurs I had to endure at school that left me desperately wishing I could alienate myself from the rest of the world. It struck me as odd that I could become the inadvertent object of racial slurs and discrimination for my skin color and religious beliefs. It was only recently, however, that I realized I shouldn't blame anyone except myself. My attempts to conform with other religions, hoping I could escape prejudice, only ruined my own self-image . I find it easier to be open-minded and accepting of others and myself .
Thank you very much! Whew, I didn't realize I had that many errors!
I knew I couldn't do too much with my asthma problem. But I heard constant conditioning can help asthma and it's symptoms, and it helps create a bit more resistance. Clarinet helps build more strength in the lungs after a while and can actually help asthma, or so I heard from some of my doctors. But of course in the beginning it was really hard, but it did get better!
No problem! And maybe you could include a little of that explanation in your paragraph, just to clarify. But it looks good overall, and you have a really interesting response!
