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Brain tumor survivors; FURMAN SCHOLARSHIP/ Current issue/recent event


hpdwnsn95 3 / 4  
Jan 1, 2013   #1
Question: The most important lesson you can learn while you are here is that for your life to have authentic meaning, fulfillment, and consequence, you must learn the importance of connection to forces larger and greater than yourself: to larger causes and to the greater community. -Rod Smolla, Furman University

With this in mind, briefly describe in 500 words or less a current issue or recent event in your state or community and how it will affect its citizens in the future. More importantly, how have you, as a leader, made a difference in regards to this issue?

The bagpipe players dressed in dark red and black begin their song once again as they lead the way for the brain tumor survivors of 2012. The survivors, ranging in age from five to seventy, are wearing their distinct tie-dye bandanas as they start the annual Angels Among Us Brain Tumor Research walk. They smile as their teammates and other participants applaud them for fighting the brain tumor that may or may not be slowly killing them. Not among the survivors are Megan's mother and aunt.

They both used to walk among the survivors, proudly wearing their own tie-dye bandanas that let others know that they were still fighting, still smiling despite the growth in their brain that accompanied them everywhere. Our team, Hubba's Bubbas, consists of close friends and family that walked while they were alive to show our support, and now walk in their memory wanting to bring hope to other survivors.

For nine years we participated in the Angels Among Us walk, supporting the Preston Robert Tisch Brain Tumor Research Center. In recent years, my friend Megan and I have taken charge of our team, and have raised money for Brain Tumor Research every year by organizing bake-sales, bowl-a-thons, and car washes. We've sold t-shirts, made posters, and have written letters to relatives and friends asking for their support. Both of us have found ways to use our unique talents to raise money for the cause that is so close to our hearts. She uses her creative ability to bake and decorate posters, and t-shirts while I use my organizational skills to plan events and set guidelines for the bowl-a-thon. I am proud to say our combined effort has raised $15,848 for 2012 Angels Among Us event, our biggest contribution yet.

At the end of each Angel's Among Us event, the total amount of money raised for Brain Tumor research is revealed, and each year it provides the Preston Robert Tisch Brain Tumor Research Center the ability to continue their search for a cure. This past year, the total raised was $1,802,475 and it has helped provide funding for jobs, research supplies, and lab equipment, like an immunohistochemical robot that helps researchers develop therapies for brain tumors.

Every dollar raised makes researchers one step closer to finding a cure, one step closer to relieving the suffering of those with brain tumors. There are over 180,000 people in the United States diagnosed with brain tumors every year, and the money that we raise will make a difference in their lives, and the lives of their families.
moon05 13 / 133 20  
Jan 2, 2013   #2
support, and now walk in

shouldn't it beWalks

She uses her creative ability to bake and decorate posters, and t-shirts

you could just saycreativityand there's no need of the comma here

using comma is needed but it isn't needed everywhere!

That's all.. No more corrections at least.. The opening and ending both seemed okay to me.


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