Help us get to know you beyond what's in your résumé and transcript. Tell us about one or more instance when you felt a sense of accomplishment and discuss how or why it was significant. You may include examples from any aspect of your life such as academic, extra-curricular, community service, family, or work.::
"Here's my essay! Help!"
A great sage once said "Effort and Grace are like the two wings of a bird. Both are needed for the bird to take flight." For the grace in my life, I am infinitely grateful. The fruits of my effort bring me a deep sense of accomplishment. My own great effort and the abundant grace supporting me have driven me to pursue higher education, a decision I would have never imagined making five years ago.
Five years ago, I was contemplating giving up on my high-school education completely. A four year college education wasn't anywhere near my list of aspirations. My home life wasn't ideal, so I decided to cultivate the ability to support myself. I put most of my energy into working part-time jobs and nearly no energy into my early education.
When I was fifteen, I decided to take a yoga teachers course. I discovered yoga in a book when I was thirteen, and fell completely in love. I practiced from books and taught classes to students and teachers that would humor me. I paid my way through the course during my sophomore year of high-school and was teaching classes by the time I was sixteen. I read a book on operating a sole proprietorship and began contracting out of a dance space, teaching under the name "Bliss Yoga". Operating my own business in high-school was the first time I experienced a deep sense of accomplishment.
That same year, I was accepted to a unique program that would allow me to earn my high-school diploma at an advanced pace. Applicants needed to have high test scores, and complicated home lives that frequently caused them to be absent from school. I decided not to drop out. I worked at a pace of two courses per month, and finished all of my required courses a year and a half before my estimated graduation date. Earning my high-school diploma was the second time I experienced a deep sense of accomplishment.
A few months later, I decided to go to massage therapy school. I enrolled in classes the summer after I finished high-school. I was seventeen and already living on my own. I worked full-time during the two years I was in school and by the time I completed the program, my efforts were rewarded. "Bliss Yoga" was a thriving entity. I earned my massage license and created "Bliss Yoga and Bodywork LLC". Becoming a licensed massage therapist was the third time I experienced a deep sense of accomplishment and expanding my business to include bodywork was the fourth.
During my time spent in massage school and as a business owner, I started to think about going to college for the first time. I was beginning to develop a greater hunger for personal growth. I decided to start pursuing higher education in the field of healthcare. I began taking general education classes at the local community college.
That was almost two years ago. A few weeks ago, I received my acceptance letter from the University of Colorado at Boulder's program for Integrative Physiology. Receiving that letter has given me my greatest sense of accomplishment yet.
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I haven't written the concluding sentences yet.. this is for a scholarship I'm not sure if it's too long.
great essay.
i think you should group the first two paragraphs as one and replace the five years ago that begins the second paragraph with then
third paragraph: completely fell in love should be fell completely in love
overall its a nice write-up.
regarding the length, i feel its okay. it although depends however on the limits of word count you were requested to use.
