'Business practices in Nigeria, A benefit to your home country essay'

I need a review of this essay... thank you

A master's degree in Computing with International Business will play a vital role in my quest to be an agent of change in my country. It will be very useful in the delivery of my plans which will aid development in Nigeria upon my return.

A large number of business practices in Nigeria have not evolved with the changing times. I have noticed that the information technology tools needed to make business endeavours achieve their goals are either not considered necessary or poorly implemented if used; this makes it difficult for such business to provide quality service or function globally. Nigeria as a country is interested in the growth and sustainability of her local businesses and the improved service delivery of the multinationals. I believe a great percentage of this can be achieved if young talents and professionals who are interested in helping to sustain a viable economy create solutions that will ultimately improve efficiency. I believe one of the most important solutions in this respect is the proper fusion of IT with business.

I desire that the skills I acquire from the postgraduate qualification will help me put computing, information technology, software development and the business and management concepts learned into action by introducing new technologies that will support business functions and increase productivity. I have found that businesses with well fashioned IT solutions are more likely to deliver the impression of good quality service to consumers and hence grow. For instance, an ambiguous flight booking website of the best airline company will deter passengers if they realise they can get another airline company that is almost as good but with an uncomplicated booking website. I want to achieve the use of IT in business because I expect that it will help in improving productivity while reducing costs by making electronic communications possible, keeping information efficiently, managing persons or offices remotely, marketing and selling products easily and making tedious work processes simpler.

I hope that my input into various business units will go a long way in preparing and reshaping the Nigerian economy for the international business sphere.

Not knowing the prompt, I am guessing this is for a scholarship for a Master's degree in Computing. You state clearly your beliefs and goals but I did not find out anywhere what led you here (past education, experience, credentials) and a more specific future career objective.

"I hope that my input into various business units will go a long way in preparing and reshaping the Nigerian economy for the international business sphere."

I felt you ended abruptly with this closing paragraph. It could be strengthened if you stated clearly your specific goals and aspirations - "reshaping the Nigerian economy for the international business sphere" is way too general for a closing statement.