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Calling all the SCHOLARSHIP HUNTERS! Applying for Graphic Design Department


roserosiana 1 / -  
Jun 9, 2015   #1
Hello everybody,

First of all, my name's Rosiana. I'm from Indonesia, i was excited to found this forum. I hope it'll help me with the essay i have made couple days ago. i wanna apply turkiye scholarship next year for Graphic Design Department and i need your help to correct my essay. because honestly my english not perfect enough for this level. so, here is my essay :

I. Please explain your expectations from studying in turkiye and express your future plans :
Turkiye is a gate between two rich continents : europe and asia. By that condition, turkiye has a lot to offer. One of them is high quality education. People coming from all over the world. So i will be able to exchange ideas and opinions with them in the same time. Different skills, the way of thinking, different culture that is not only rich my knowladge but also enrich my experience for the next steps. By study in turkiye, im expecting it will definitely change my minds and perspective. After i finished my study in turkiye with a degree in graphic design, i will have the best skills to enter a wide variety of careers in the field including branding, publishing, image-making and editorial design. And consist to my dream, to build my own studio where i can gather all indonesian creative youth and patch all their aspirations. So we will self-prepared to compate globally. We will show to the world that indonesia graphic designer could be aligned with world class graphic designer. Not only a follower, with the inovative things we make we are going to be a trendsetter for the next era.

II. Please explain why you choose Turkiye for higher education :
Turkiye is a natural bridge where the East meets the West. This unique concepts create a perfect environments and strong atmosphere where everyone has been invited to dig all the potential we could use for our education. By choose this great student country i will get so many opportunities. I will learn from the experts to become an expert in what was previously my skill. The modern influx from west side which take an important role will give all student chances to study or work with the latest equipment, a flexible and modern way. I will study directly from the source that means my brain will record the latest knowledge. Another benefit is enjoy the beautiful friendship with other students that coming from everywhere. Through that, i will get chances to test my skills by taking part in international competition and also open a wide range of job opportunities after i finished my study in turkey.

III. Please express the reasons for your department/program of study preferences and briefly explain how your educational background relates :
Today, design take an important role in many fields. Many industries using design to promote their brand and their products without talking to much about it underictly. Design not only a picture and text, design is about how to manage colours in harmony and put a strategy to make the reader get the message of itself. we know, apple inc. is a big company with a bitten apple as the logo. it mean, even a big company like apple inc. need a small logo. simple, chic, and so easy to remember. altough i took software engineering as my major for 3 years, my hoby and passion on design brought me to this path. i have been working for over 1 year at this field, and all my clients satisfied by what i have been created for them. software engineering not completely software engineering, i also taught graphic design during in high school. how to create logo using corel and photos manipulation on photoshop. and i got a perfect score for that field between 80 until 95.

and yes, i need your opinion and your advice about this essay. is it make senses, it's bad essay or what i supposed to fix from this essay. so let me know all about it, let me know what mistakes i have done on this essay. thank you :)

REGARD,
Rosiana
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Jun 9, 2015   #2
I. Please explain your expectations from studying in turkiye and express your future plans :

- By thatWith this condition, turkiye has a lot to offer.

- Different skills, the way of thinking, different culture that is not only richthis will not only enrich my knowladgeknowledge but also enrich my experience for the next stepsto prepare me for the next big step .

- By studyStudying in turkiye, imI'm expecting it will definitely change my minds and perspective.

- After iWhen Ifinishedfinish my study in turkiye with a degree in graphic design,

- I will have the best skills to enter a wide varietyexploreof careers in the field including branding, publishing, image-making and editorial design.

- And consistConsistent to my dream, to build my own studio where i can gather all indonesian creative youth and patch all their aspirations.

- So we will be self-prepared to compatecompete globally.

- We will show to the world that indonesiaIndonesian graphic designer could be aligned with world class graphic designer.

- Not only a follower, with the inovative thingsinnovative ideas we make, we are going to be a trendsetter for the next era.

Rose, I made a few corrections on the first part of your scholarship application. I have to take a break.
However, please mind the following;

- when writing, "I" should always be capitalIze

- punctuation marks, though you need to use in order to break your sentences, there are other punctuation marks such as comma (,), that you can use to break your sentences and not just a period (.)

- spell check and proof read, this is always a great practice

- when referring to a nation or a country as a subject, you need to capitalize the first letter of the name of the country, e.g., Russia, Turkey, Asia..etc..

I'll get back to you as soon as possible, now try to work on proof reading your essay one more time and following how I made the corrections, try to make the corrections on the next paragraph.

Keep writing

Cheers!!!
lcturn87 - / 435 236  
Jun 9, 2015   #3
Hi, I would be more than happy to help with your essay. First, change the spelling of Turkey throughout the essay. Capitalize Europe and Asia. Also, capitalize, "I" throughout your essay.

I. When you state, "is high quality education", you need to revise it to: is a high quality education. When you are listing the different traits you have to begin your sentence. Ex: I like cooking, reading, and music. Some words need to come before different skills and way of thinking to help the reader understand the meaning. Study needs to be studying. Make sure you are forming contractions correctly, im should be I'm. I'm unsure what you mean by patch aspirations. Would you like to help them achieve their aspirations? Change this sentence to:

" So we will be self-prepared to compete globally".

II. I think it is better just to state that everyone has the potential to be educated rather than use dig. I would change choose to choosing. I'm not sure what you mean by the modern influx from the west. I think you should delete this part of the sentence: which take an important role and add "the" before west. The next sentence is too confusing. I think you mean you will be exposed to the latest information. Change this sentence to: "Another benefit is enjoying beautiful friendships with other students that are coming from everywhere." You begin to speak in past tense. Change finished to finish.

III. I can't understand the ending of the second sentence. I will show you how to change the next sentence: Design is not only a picture and text, design is about how to manage colors in harmony and have a strategy to make the reader get the message of itself . Word choice is important when you are writing in English. That is why this sentence has very few errors. Capitalize the first letter of every word when you begin a new sentence.

Companies should be capitalized (i.e. Apple, Inc.) This sentence needs to be combined because it is starting to become an incomplete sentence because of punctuation: "It means even a big company like Apple Inc., needs a small logo that is simple, chic, and easy to remember." I am going to take out some information because I am getting confused with some sentences. software engineering not completely software engineering . Start a new sentence when you discuss teaching graphic design. I think you are trying to discuss how you taught students how to create logos using the program Corel and Photoshop. I'm not sure why your perfect score is explained after this sentence. Was this an internship in your field.

I hope that this helps you.


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