I am capable of more than I thought I was - leader with networking skills

Dear fellow readers,

Hereby, I attached my essays on two of Chevening scholarship questions: leadership and networking. I would highly appreciate your feedbacks, comments and correction. Thanks in advance!!! :)

LEADERSHIP QUESTION

Chevening is looking for individuals who will be future leaders or influencers in their home countries. Explain how you meet this requirement, using clear examples of your own leadership and influencing skills to support your answer.

(minimum word count: 100 words, maximum word count: 500 words)

Reflecting back on my past accomplishments and activities while I was still an event management student, I always believe that leadership should be define as not merely on leading your team members toward the designated goals but also to motivate and empower them as well as, creating a conducive environment that would influence the team to get done what they need to get done and refine their life quality.

Over the length of three years of my undergraduate study, I have been given tremendous chance to lead and coordinate several campus and community events both in Shanghai and Huddersfield. One of the most rewarding leadership involvement I was involved in is when I worked together with a team consist of local Chinese and international students and we were given a project to organize a sport-fundraising event called, Walk for Life. We needed to achieve our target donation of RMB 3000 for a charity association that focused on special needs children in rural area of China. Despite of majority of the team did not have the confident that we would be able to gather enough sponsors for the event, as the project leader I strive to be positive and optimistic in order to motivate my team members. I tried to motivate them by using the idea of the event itself to bring the interest of people in sponsoring our events and believe that persistence pays off. At the end of our project, I received positive feedbacks from my supervisors and team members and we were able to attained sponsorship from big companies such as, China Unicom.

Furthermore, I was part of the event team for Huddersfield St. Patrick's Days Parade 2016 and got selected as the team leader and the main contact for both, the Irish community as the client and the University of Huddersfield as the provider of volunteers. In the first couple of meetings with our client, they have been expressing their desire to expand their target audience toward the international community in Huddersfield. Thus, together with four other members of my team, we came up with events that would introduce the Parade while engaging students at the same time. Additionally, I planned a five days campaign (and a language exchange evening) where I delivered a short presentations about our volunteer program. As a result, there were a total of 42 volunteers, including 34 international volunteers.

In conclusion, leaders, just like a healthy soil, should be able to provide opportunities and support for their team, surrounding and even themselves room to grow. Therefore, although from my past experiences I believe that I am capable of more than I thought I was, I am always eager to learn new things and welcome for new challenges. Thus, with the help of Chevening Scholarship, I am convinced that I will be able to acquire the knowledge that will not only equipped myself to grow within my career future but in developing the education quality of Indonesia.

I always believe that leadership ... - put this in past tense so change a few words ( believe- believed)

Over the length ... - Over the length of the past three years of my undergraduate study,
involvement- program or any other word would sound better since u say involve right after
consist -consisted

Jennifer, college related leadership skills do not embody your ability to truly lead a team of adults and professionals in your line of work. The Chevening assessment team is looking for people with exemplary leadership skills in the workplace. The reason that the leadership skill needs to be profession related is simple, Chevening is looking for people who have the ability to effect a change in the leadership of their country, either on a social (work) or political scale. These sorts of people are easily determined based upon the natural leadership ability within a workplace. They know how to lead and inspire people to achievements that make a difference. Your academic leadership skills show you potential to be that sort of leader, but also tells the reviewer that you are not ready to be a leader in the true sense of the word yet. Therefore, this essay, though emotional and well developed, does not portray the skills and abilities that would call your application to the attention of the reviewer. Revise the essay to focus on your professional leadership and influencing skills instead. Delete this essay from your files as you cannot use it for the intended use.

As the forum has a one essay per thread policy, I am advising you only on the first essay in this list. You will need to post the second essay as a separate thread in order to receive advice on it. Kindly remove the second essay from this list in order to avoid violating the forum rules. Thank you.