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A career in journalism - Academic or Career Goals Essay


KateFollot 1 / 1  
Jul 3, 2011   #1
Corrections, opinions?
250 word or less essay on Academic or career goals for Scholarship application.
Tell me what you think, I would really appreciate feedback before I submit it(:

Journalism - Academic Career Goals



I have many loves in life, photography, music, and writing, but eventually my love dries out. They say your career should be something that you never grow tired of, that your interest is so deep in you can never soak up too much knowledge of the subject, I have found for me, that love is helping others. Sponsoring Ghiampiers, a child from Peru, has greatly helped me understand the joy in helping. As of yet I am not sure of what I want to major or minor in, most likely major in Journalism and minor in social services, women's studies, or photography. Though my grandmother has some money set aside, and I hope to receive some scholarships, I am also planning on volunteering with AmeriCorps or getting a paid internship to be able to pay for college.

I have an undeniable, unquenchable thirst for helping those in need, whether it is an animal, a human, or a part of nature, I have always felt a desire to make a move for the greater good. I am very passionate about becoming a human rights journalist and helping breech the gap between the public and real life events, especially internationally. A crucial goal in my life is making a difference, and I feel that a career in journalism would not only use my love of writing appropriately but also to do good in the world by exposing injustices otherwise overlooked.

ashtenmorgan - / 5  
Jul 3, 2011   #2
Why don't you focus on the child from Peru and talk about the talk with that kid and make it memoriable?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Jul 5, 2011   #3
Hi Kate, thanks for the great work you have been doing to help other essayists! :-)

If you want to be a stickler for grammar & style, you can switch it like this:

They say your career should be something of which you never grow tired, that your interest is...---Also, I think the word something should be changed to "a pursuit"...

... volunteering with AmeriCorps or getting a paid internship to be able to ensure my ability to pay for college.

I have an undeniable, unquenchable thirst for the experience of helping those in need, whether ...

A crucial goal in my life is making a difference,----I think this is too vague. Instead of just saying "make a difference" refer to the particular plan you have for making a difference. A person with a plan is to be taken seriously.

Great writing here! We are lucky to have you at EF.


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