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Scholarship in a center for talented-student of Vinschool school (Vietnam)


lebaothubn 1 / -  
Feb 5, 2020   #1

my dream can be reached



November 28 last year,my birthday, the day is that I could find myself. As usual, my father back home after business travel with a present that I thought it was jewellery or something pricely but robots, the thing I have not have any information about at that moment. At first impression, the first thing in my mind is it fits with boys; therefore, this is not for a girl like me. This is unexpected present that I want to get ,actually. Then, my father, consequently, encouraged me to give myself a chance to try for these new toys. Because of our empathy, I finally do accurately what he said and take them to my room.I didn't want to touch them at the very first day. However, my father searched for some topics related to robots and from that robots little by little become my fondness. At that time, the pattern of ideology that girls can play with dolls of people didn't think so far, so I decided to overcome my anxiety of people's judge. With my father's advocacy, I start to inquire about my first curiosity for robots that he bought. I was fascinated by how robots can walk just by a remote controller. I disassembled robots because I have entirely a desire to know how this work, how could it be so amazing.Nevertheless, I never can reassemble it, so my father ordinarily helps me to fit that and gives me hope that I can have enough knowledge to do more than that.Working with robots has helped me to embrace my imagination and focus.From that event, I want in the future, I can open the company of robots. I shared this with my father, as always he devote his time to encourage me to achieve my dream.

Day by day, my dream is more prominent, and it grows up in me.My father is always staying on business travel so it is hard for him to teach me. I try to find a different way to boost my knowledge; I research some classes, but it seems does not work on me. I ask many relatives joined for Robotics competitions but they are all busy to lead my at this field. I almost give up at that time because the Internet contains too many materials that made me confused, and no one tells me what I should do next. I am a Vinschool student, so my homeroom teacher informed me about Gate Center- the right place I can start to take action into my dream more effortlessly. I heard that Gate Center helps some excellent students to explore the potential inside them and make their dream come true. They create an Advanced Learning Plan (ALP) for each student to their target by supporting, planning steps, a strategy that fits them on the way of following their dream. Through this, it is clear that Gate Center try their best to aid their students regardless of this made will be successful or not. Recent days, I read a book named "Pippi Longstocking" by Astrid Lindgren, my favourite quote from this book is "I have never tried that before, so I think I should be able to do that." From this book, I firmly believe that a dream just a dream if without goals for every process. My dream just an idea if I lose the chance to get into Gate Center. I hope with all my passion, my intention, I could be a part of Gate Center. I believe that with Gate Center's help, my dream can be reached.

Holt [Contributor] - / 7,892 2170  
Feb 6, 2020   #2
I am not sure what question you are trying to respond to with this personal statement. I wish you had included the prompt when you posted this essay because it could have helped me make more sense of what you are trying to write about, what you are trying to discuss. At this point, I am confused about the content. You are using a defeatist attitude to help you win a scholarship, regardless of the Pippi Longstocking quote that you used. It still doesn't erase the fact that there is nothing in your statement that can say you have been trying and succeeding, regardless of the obstacles in your path. The "woke" reference to you trying in a field where boys are known to succeed is good. However, it doesn't push forth the idea that you have had even a little success in this field.

With such a weak background, you cannot expect to win the scholarship. Reviewers do not take well to "poor me, pity me" stories. Those do tug at the heartstrings but it doesn't make you a competitive candidate. Try to refocus the story towards some semblance of success based on self training, self teaching, ambition, and truly overcoming obstacles, regardless of the absence of your father.

Be truly "woke" by showing that you succeeded at the start, regardless of the difficulties present in your life at the time, and that you presently continue to succeed. Convince the scholarship reviewer that you have the inner strength and desire to learn to make a go of Robotics as a career, and that all you need is someone to believe in you and support your ambitions in life. That is how this can become an effective personal statement.


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