hello, this is an essay I wrote for a scholar ship that is being offered. I need help in mostly everything, If you can, please help me make some changes.
through obstacles to a further success
In all of our ventures through life, everyone has had difficulties and challenges that may have inhibited success and proper development.Problems, large and small, present themselves to us throughout our whole existence. There are people who resolve these problems in a blink of an eye, or others who simply thrived despite them. I for an instance, am one of those people who has had (and still have) many problems to overcome. Some of those were a piece of cake and others were a whole cake. My shyness and being overweight has always been a problem, its that one obstacle them deprives me from participating in any activity that presents itself.
These two, shyness and being overweight just seemed to fit the complete image for me to hide from everything. For as long as I can remember, I have been both shy and chubby. All my life I've been an inwardly directed person. While some people like to think out loud, I prefer to process the world internally, answer my own questions, and come to a conclusion before speaking up. My shyness has prevented me from completing projects assigned by my teachers. I would try my best but it was always accompanied by stuttering and complete redness. Any sort of public speaking, from answering a question in class, to the dreaded presentations in front of everyone I didn't know, was enough to send my head reeling and my heart beating to an excessive rate. I think my shyness came to develop when I was made fun of, that was the only time I recall to be embarrassed as a kid. Ever since then I don't remember being put on the spot for whatever reason but that is how my shyness sprouted and became one of my most difficult obstacles to overcome.
Being overweight has always been a big barrier not only for expressing myself but for also feeling comfortable in my own body. Please don't label overweight people as being people that just sit around and eat all day, some of us are actually really active, we just don't have a fast metabolism as others do. I have always been that "cute gordita" (according to my aunts) that has hidden from the world and at times has had anxiety attacks because of it. Depression came along as well, it wasn't the brightest chapter of my life. I tried everything, from eating less than the sufficient amount that my body needed to drinking five pills a day and that led me to a hospital bed. Being Mexican did not help my situation, all those traditions and endless delicious Mexican dishes just made me fall right back to my bad habits and that is why I think my attempts never worked. Locking myself in my room with a book, always seemed to be the answer to my endless hope of fitting to society's expectations on how a woman's body should look. After some time of endlessly trying different products, I gave up. I know that's not the best choice but after some time I gained knowledge on both of these problems.
During the three month vacation before senior year, I came to a conclusion that I had to do something in order to change my life and this time I would be dedicated. What encouraged me to overcome my shyness was my upcoming senior year that was filled with many obstacles that I would have to overcome and many of those included communicating and sharing my opinions with my future fellow classmates. I joined a group that was called "Achieve Success with the Best." This was a club that helped teens with school work and it also taught skills on how to present yourself to people, meaning on how to communicate and feel comfortable sharing your beliefs. This second family of mine helped me in all I thought I couldn't overcome. My overweight problem, I recently made a change for. On January 2017, it clicked. I consulted a nutritionist and she got me on track on what I had to consume. I was planning on joining the gym but rather I started running one mile with a friend and exercising at home. It hasn't been easy, I sometimes fall to my desires of eating some cookies and I sometimes don't have time to keep up with my journey because of school work but so far I have lost 20 pounds. I'm ambitious to see the result so therefor I won't give up on myself. Thanks to my current changes, I am now more comfortable participating in class and in other educational activities. I will admit that I still tremble now and then but it is all part of the process of overcoming this challenge.
Shyness and being overweight may seem like effortless hurdles to overcome but for me it was a learning process. It wasn't something that could be accomplished in a day. This journey helped me realize that nothing in life can be accomplished with a snap of fingers; one must work step-by-step towards their goals. It takes hard work, courage, and determination to accomplish goals and overcome a difficult situation. There's is no such thing as "I can't do it," you have to want it and when you want it enough then change will come.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Anon, you addressed the method by which you overcame your weight problem in a very detailed manner. It was so detailed and focused that you forgot to address whether or not you have also overcome your shyness problem through the help of the organization. Since you provided two challenging problems, you should provide a response for each problem you stated. Another thing you may want to address in the essay is the way that the drawbacks affected your actual grades. Aside from being held back in class due to the overweight and shyness problems, what kind of grades did you receive in class? Why did you attribute these grades to these two problems? Are you sure that there were no other conditions involved in the situation? The reason that I am asking you these questions is because these are the questions that remain unanswered in the essay that the reviewer may think of. Address these questions and you end up with a more solid essay that anticipates questions in relation to a written interview.
