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Challenging yourself outside of the comfort zone - Loran scholarship essay



sholokha 1 / -  
Oct 15, 2024   #1
Hello, everyone, I would love to get some feedback/improvement suggestions for this piece:

Describe a time you challenged yourself by going outside your comfort zone. What was the risk? What did you learn? (word limit: 300) *

I've always been the type of person to set myself a goal and sacrifice anything to reach it. Whether it comes to school, sports, or family, nothing can get in the way of me achieving that goal. However, the one thing that slipped out of my bucket list was actually the closest one to me: my own body. I have been overweight largely due to my laziness, and lack of motivation and determination. Even while playing sports, it was quite challenging for me to keep up with the pace of my teammates, so I was often left to sit on the bench. That's why at the beginning of the school year in 2022, I decided to set myself a new goal: get my body in shape.

The first couple of weeks were easy, as that's when the motivation hit, so I was going to the gym like 7 times a week hoping to "get fit before Christmas". However, the actual struggle comes after, when motivation wears off, and all that's left is me against myself, me showing my determination and perseverance. Just like that, I had to get out of my comfort zone. I started following a specific diet, going to the gym and training outside rather than staying at home, being on my Playstation. I was exhausted, trying to maintain that level of discipline, since I practically changed my whole lifestyle. While going outside of my comfort zone was difficult, it was one of the best decisions of my life. In conclusion, after completing a year of my transformation, I learned the importance of staying true to myself and my goals. Regardless of how hard it seemed to stay on track, I always knew that the end result, which is my body being in shape, would be worth it.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15439  
Oct 16, 2024   #2
I believe that there is a lack of clarity when it comes to describing what your comfort zone is. The first paragraph spent a lot of time discussing your drive and determination for most things, except for your body. Now, that is where the lack of clarity comes from. Surely laziness is not the only reason for your being overweight. That is where the "comfort zone" description comes in. There has to be a strong factor that kept you from exercising even as your weight ballooned. Not even being benched by the coach drove you out of the comfort zone. So what was this comfort zone all about? The second paragraph works well to describe how you finally got out of the comfort zone, I can pretty much guess what it was. So a more relevant introduction to it is necessary in the first paragraph. Just to make sure that you and the reviewer are on the same page regarding the comfort zone.


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