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Chance to choose for change your future- 2017 Scholarship Letter of Self Introduction

Hello! I'm applying for 2017 KGSP Graduate Program and I need some help on my letter of self introduction.

Here is the requirements:
- course of life, your view of life, study background, your hopes & wishes, etc
- education and work experience, etc., in relation to the KGSP program
- motivations for applying for this program
- reason for study in that country

English is not my native language and I hope my introduction will be readable.
I hope for your suggestions, comments and critics to make my letter better and correct the grammar errors.

Thank you all in Advance

Chance to choose for change your future

I was born and raised in ---x-- in the middle class family. My Passion for Information Technology (IT) came when I was in the high school. It's came when I learned the technology, information and communication subject, there so many question in my head how the computer made and how the program in the computer can be so smart and how to make them, after I finished the high school study I choose to continue my study into the college and take the Informatics Engineering Major because of my passion and curiosity in IT. When I was in the college I learned so much thing about the IT and it's answered the questions in my head about the IT since the high school. But it's make a new question in my head how to combine the IT with the other fields like economic, management, etc to improve the process and the outcome. I accomplished my study on Informatics Engineering for four years, and gained a bachelor of engineering degree in July 2016 from --x- University. Since I was a student, I always improve my knowledge and skill and keep my grade point above 3. I have been a committee member in --x-- National seminar at --x-- and committee member in any student activities. Besides, I have also developed leadership skills by become a project manager in a few of my study subjects. I also have selected to followed the exchange student program in --x-- university ,Korea at 2015.

My exchange has been an incredible experience for me. I have gained so much knowledge about about Korea. Being here and experiencing a different culture, a different lifestyle, and a different language has changed my perception of life. It shaped part of my character and changed my view on life. I've become more independent, and confident in myself and the choices i make. It has also allowed me to widen my perspective and become self-sufficient. I am now always thinking about things from a broader point of view. My world has been expanded significantly and with it I have expanded as a person also I am much more self aware. Beside that i learned so much knowledge in my study field and experience the advanced technology in Korea. These have then enabled me to see how my plan for the future and made me confident to applying in this program.

My future goal is to develop myself to be a specialist in the field of IT. I would like to contribute actively in addressing the issues faced by --x-- country in technology field. As a matter of fact, --x-- as developing country need to improve technology used to support the developing process in many field such as economy, education, government management, transportation, etc . Every year, --x-- country face the economy stability problem, corruption problem, transportation, etc. I have a plan to contribute to my country especially my hometown as a part of government as an IT specialist. I will do many role, such as analysis the problem and integrate technology as the problem solver, developing IT , and evaluating implemented system. I further plan to research about e-commerce effect to the economic growth in --x--. At this point, KGSP will enable me to learn more about how technology can be integrated successfully into many fields such as economy, education, government management ,etc and how it can be useful to be part of problem solving. One of the universities in Korea, which is the Seoul National University has a department that actively conducted research focusing on technology management economy and policy. I believe that KGSP will be once in a lifetime opportunity for me to learn deeply about my field of study as well as serving as a bridge to reach my future goals.

Studying in Korea is a way to in realize my future goal. I'm very sure that this country has definitely occupied an absolute world leading position in Technology. Advanced theories, technologies, and information in this country will facilitate me immensely in the achievement of remarkable progress, fulfilling my aspiration to become an accomplished professional in the field of IT. Beside that South Korea is a country that rich in culture and tradition as a country that preserved its millenia-old tradition and culture, Korea has developed many unique cultural heritage and traditions. The Modern life in South Korea does not make the cultures and traditions disappear, even in South Korea the modern life, the traditions and cultures become a unity. The cultural heritage remains well-preserved and Korea become a wonderful country with all the culture and tradition. Study in Korea not just make my future goal accomplish but also give me the best experience in my life.

1st paragraph:
Even though this is a paragraph that tells about your course of life, view of life, study background, your hopes & wishes, you need to remember that this should be in academic format and therefore, the usage of contraction shouldn't be there. Also, you are not suggested to put 'BUT' in the beginning of the sentence, you can use 'However/Nevertheless' instead of that.

2nd paragraph:
I can see that you have valuable experience in short semester study in Korea. Yet, the tenses that you wrote are inconsistent. If you are sure that all of the experience were in the past, you need to be sure that it should be in either past or past perfect form and not in present perfect form.

3rd paragraph:
If your plan about entering the government companies don't work out, what will you do? Contributing to your country is not always by working in the government companies. You can work in private companies and still help the government as well. Thus, I think it is better to state wherever you work, you can always help / at least try to help the government by your own effort.

4th paragraph:
Subject/verb agreement are missed here and your way of explaining things looks like in a spoken form. Besides omitting contractions, you need to know that, for instance, Study in Korea not just make my future goal accomplish but also give me the best experience in my life. Studying in Korea would not only accomplish my future goal, but also would give me the best experience in my life.

Hope this helps :)
Feb 16, 2017   #3
Michael, the paragraph about your academic background needs to be settled in a more understandable manner. There is no need to explain yourself so completely in the paragraph. All you have to do is tell the reviewer about the academic life you have had and include your accomplishments during this time. The questions that you had and how they were answered is not really relevant anymore because you have already reached the point where you are entering a masters degree course for higher academic learning.

Speaking of learning experiences, are you applying for the KGSP without having any sort of actual work experience yet? You have not signified any relevant work experience, which is a necessary part of the essay. If you do not have any actual work experience, then you have to mention it then, in its place, present any relevant internships that you may have had instead. If you don't have any experience of any sort, then your chances for this scholarship will be very slim. Everyone else applying will have far better work and academic experience than you. Having been to Korea as an exchange student only gets you so far in the actual consideration of your requirements.

Remove the reference to your future goals from this self introduction. The future goals are to be presented in a separate essay for your post study goals or career plans. You will have a far better chance of impressing the reviewer with these plans in that essay because you will have more space to devote to the development of the career idea that you have.

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