"Describe, in less than 300 words, the values and beliefs that you hold strongly to"
I used to be an unenthusiastic and clumsy boy who know nothing but studying. Despite winning various academic prizes in my secondary years, I was not highly appreciated by people, as I rarely gave a tuppence for anything outside class. Not until attending high school had I realise that I could not succeed unless I changed myself. With utter determination, I summoned all my courage to take the class' secretary position and applied to the Student Council. Difficulties engulfed me at first, but it is the first step that counts. I remember practicing hard everyday, talking to myself in front of the mirror, spending time making plans and working actively in clubs. As time passed by, I grew to be a true leader with full confidence and enthusiasm, and I am proud that I dared to escape my comfort zone to grow up in a "bigger bowl".
"Never stop challenging myself; change only comes when I accept challenges," I kept hearing this little voice. I believe that change is the first and most important step to success. "A goldfish in a small bowl stays small, while a goldfish in a bigger bowl can grow twice the size". One cannot make progress in his life without changing his mindset, lifestyle or behaviour.
That is why I often yearn to change rather than staying contented; and that is why I decide to take the challenge when applying for the major of Electrical and Electronic Engineering at NTU, despite following the Talent programme of Control Engineering and Automation at Hanoi University of science & technology. I have always dreamed of the chance to study at a young, high-ranked university with vibrant student life, which would bring me a new adventure and make a different me - a constant contributor to the society.
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Please help me to make the essay better. Thank you!
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Quan, in order to bring more clarity to your presentation, you need to kick off the essay with an explanation of how you built your ideology to create the belief that you should " Never stop challenging myself; change only comes when I accept challenges ". Open the essay with that ideology and how you apply it to your daily life as a part of the way you interact with people, apply it to your academics, and participate in community activities." That way the reviewer will have a very clear idea as to why you would consider holding on strongly to this ideology that you have.
Your first paragraph does not help you establish that basis and your second paragraph is too vague and short in explanation to help you build an acceptable and interesting discussion. I believe that you should write a new essay based on my suggested content to see if you can better develop your ideology as a part of a working beliefs and values system.
