Sorry for my first post, I posted a multiple essay thread.
You guys should make a big notice not to post multiple essay in a thread, only one essay allowed per thread.
Otherwise, many people will come across the same problem as I did.
-and the moderators will have to repeat the same process over and over again, telling new member the rules-
On a side note, please give feedback on my first post, because I'm unable to edit the subject title.
I would like to have my essay reviewed with emphasis on the content.
My concern are:
1. My essay does not respond to the brief accurately.
2. Lack of motivation shown in the essay.
But, if you have grammar correction, please do tell.
Career Plan Question
Chevening is looking for individuals who have a clear post-study career plan. Please outline ...
Generally I would pursue my career as an architect. I realized that my passion is in the architecture field. Especially in the aspects of technology and education. The technological aspects in architecture is more in the development of design methods assisted with technology, new materials, and new methods of the presentation to construction of building. These technology are rapidly growing at the moment because of many invention of tools to build, for example robots, 3D printer; and development of digital aided design. The rapid growth of technology and the effect in architecture needs to be studied, which is why it is related closely to education.
I'm going to do the essay in a reverse chronology. I imagine myself to be an architect practitioner and at the same time teaching in a reputable University, teaching architecture. My vision is to help Indonesia to have better buildings and cities. I remember when I first got to Singapore and comparing it to Jakarta, I feel envious. That is when I decided to do what I think I am able to, design for better Jakarta, Indonesia.
Through being an architect I would like to give the best design that I am able to, by considering social and environmental impacts. I know that I am not the best. But I would give effort to give the best I can and continue develop myself. I am also hoping to expand to urban planning to help policy maker in Indonesia, especially in outer Java, eastern provinces.
As an educator I would like to share my knowledge to industry of building construction and younger generation and also to keep up with new ideas. I realized that every generation have their own way to do things. Furthermore the rapid development of technology will make the difference of design methods and thinking process further apart. I also enjoy talk about architecture, what the possibilities in the future of architecture, and sometimes the history of course, which is also the reason why I want to be an educator.
In short, I am planning to work in an Architect Consultation Firm and Developer Company after I graduated. The reason is to adapt and learn the working environment of both. I know that without much experience I would get a hard time in the future and at the moment I feel that I don't have enough experience and networks. While I work I am going to teach part time if my company allows me to. I am planning to work two to three more years before I started my own architecture firm.
At the moment I already started a collaboration with my colleague in Pelita Harapan. He is an urban planner, finished his study in UK. Our studio name is Zweig Design Studio, started in 2015. I feel that we have a same vision that connects us. Right now we are dedicating to learn and make network as much as we can before we focused in to starting a company.
by the way, I can't find what UK gov. did to my country that related to my study.
The only thing that closely related is The UK Climate Change Unit
(is it allowed to post link in EF?)
Their main concern was forestry (not related), land-use (a bit related, it is more closely related with urban planning), and low carbon emission (too general?)
Can someone give me an idea if I should try to fit in with the task?
My study do related to climate change, sustainability, low energy, though.
I have explained it in the Studying in the UK Question essay, is it a good idea to repeat the information here?
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,529 3444
Ignatius, one of the specific instructions from Chevening is that their reviewers do not appreciate it when you repeat material you have already previously related in more than one essay. Each essay need to be unique and show a complete understanding of the prompt and the general directions you were given for essay writing. so the answer to your question is no, do not repeat information in your essays, this will have an effect on your application.
No matter how small the relation, present that as the work the UK did in your country. There are minute details that you can use, from what you have presented, that can help you make the case for it. For example, your main concern is architecture. So slant your concern towards sustainable architecture and then concentrate on the urban planning and land use connection to your career. Low carbon emission can also have a relation based upon the sustainable architecture part. When you build or design buildings to have harmony with nature and use non-invasive materials to build homes and other structures.
In general, your essay does not present a growth path that shows that you are character driven when it comes to your career and success. Due to the lack of year to year planning (short term 5 years, long term 10 years) , it would appear that are not concerned with your career growth. All you have to do at this point is assign a period of time to your plan. The reviewers look for a clear career plan path from the applicants because the Chevening scholars are expected to help the other scholars in the future. If you can't show it might be possible for you to do that, then they may not strongly consider your application.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,529 3444
Remove the information that came from your Study in the UK essay. I already explained to you that Chevening has a ruling that you cannot duplicate the content of your essay. Once you have mentioned it before in one essay, you cannot use that information again in the next essay. My suggestion to you is this, if you want to use that information in this essay, then delete it from the Study in UK essay. Make sure to follow the rules. While nobody knows how it can adversely affect your essay, what is sure is that it will have a negative effect. So please, don't do it. Don't repeat the information. It won't help your application. The essay is fine in its current form. You just need to pay attention to the duplicated information for the aforementioned reasons. Make a decision.
Sorry, I meant that I already removed it from the study in the UK essay. I decided to put it here.
I will post study in the UK essay later on.
Thank you for your input, Mary. I am currently revising my network essay :)