Hello, Essay Forum! (one essay at a time please)
I was seeking for essay examples in the internet for comparison and then I found EF.
I have read some of the scholarship threads and there are lots of variation in the essays which makes me confused.
After scheming through the essay in the community I have tweaked my essay a bit. Mostly vocabulary preference.
But I still want to keep it original/personal and ask for opinion.
I need help to assess my essay, if it's on the right track.
1. I feel that its maybe a bit too general? Should I describe my experiences in the examples?
Or maybe I could tweak on how I explain things to get it more personal?
I found in other essay that explains thoroughly on a particular event rather than telling the general story about oneself.
Which do you think better? I don't mean to compete with other applicants, just tell me if I did it badly :)
2. Is it lacking inspiration? As if my urge to study is not successfully shown on the essay
to be honest I am not really good expressing my self on writing as the media.
and personally i would prefer not to claim my self directly, ex: "... so i have the (leadership/network skills/etc) in me"
of course if its suggested to use them, do tell.
Note: I wished to have a more response on the content instead of the grammar.
Although I don't mind if you pointed out my grammatical errors so realized I know how bad I am.
Cheers! Here it is.
Leadership & Influence Question
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Leadership and influence has different definition but they are closely related to each other. In my opinion, to lead means to give influence. Leadership is not always about the position in a social hierarchy. A successful influence will make a change, which make the influencer as the leader of the change.
There are many ways to give influence. To me, the simplest way is by example. Around where I live, in Jakarta, most people have the habit to littering. I personally despise people who litter since I was in junior high school. I become more aware of it after I study architecture. By any means I do not think that I am perfect of course. For example I am a smoker since I was in high school, which is a bad habit. I always turn off my cigarette butt then put it in my pocket if I do not see any trash can around me. One day, my friend asks why you did that. I explain because littering makes the road looks ugly. What surprises me is they replied me with there are people who are paid to clean the street, so we do not have to. But after hanging out for some time they started to do the same as me. I was satisfied by this fact of course.
I have some experience in organization when I was studying in high school and bachelor degree as student councils. When I see a problem arising I usually take it in with a cool head. Personally I am quite self-aware and able to control my emotions. If the problem is a conflict between people, I prefer to approach them more personally rather than having it solved in a large group. Usually I would talk to both parties if possible. Although this maybe less efficient, I like the opportunity to listen to different perspective before I decided to pick sides.
In a group work or organization, leadership is to learn and share ideas. Both learning and sharing is important to develop the organization strength. Whenever I am appointed to be a project coordinator I always open the conversation to receive initial ideas, then eliminating them by looking at the SWOT parameter. This makes me a more democratic type of person, because I always open to new ideas. People also feels appreciated and encourage better team work in my opinion. I also believe that every people have the same value of their opinion, no matter who they are. But I do take note who the person is to give a better context of an input. It also applies in my design process, which I started by researching the issues, possibilities and site facts before I started to working on more in depth development. I think that this way the outcome is more optimal because we have received the information then brainstorm to filter down the ideas to develop its best potential.
Hi ichephe,
you are doing great!
you really have done your research for these essays and I believe you are on the right direction.
I have some opinion for the grammar:
"most people have the habit to littering"(have littering habit)
my friend asks why you did that.
(Why did you do that,I explaiNed....)
In a group work or organization,
(In a work group....)
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,801 
4780 Ignatius, is there any chance that you have a more professional example of your leadership and influencing skills? These experiences are too academic in nature to be applicable in the real world and workplace. Due to the amateurish take on leadership and influencing that you are presenting, I am totally unsure as to whether this will be a good essay to present to the reviewer. He will have reviewed leadership essays of people who helped end an Ebola crisis in their country, helped rebuild phone networks, built bridges for the benefit of communities, and other similar acts of leadership and influencing. As you can probably see from the examples of the other essays here for the same scholarship, you will be in for some very stiff competition. So you should set your sights on developing an essay that will allow you to compete with them. Try to improve on the content of this essay. Be more profession based if you can. It is important that your essay follow in the same vein as the examples of the other applicants here. Otherwise, you will not be in the running for the grant.
