Chevening career plan - city and society

Please review my answer to 4th question of chevening and help me improve it if needed

my short and long-term goals

When I was 18 ,the day that I had to choose my major for university, I clearly knew I wanted to collaborate in development of my city and passionately wish to be effective in the future of my country. During studying at the university I assumed social development as my desired path and I always wanted to gain enough knowledge in this field and have a job dealing with social issues.

To pursue my career after completing my studies my short-term goal is to return and establish social section in the IRC NGO. I will create international social campaigns with friends from all over the world, and with the connections I will create, over time, I will do my share to promote the culture of societies, especially in developing countries like my own country.

I see myself as a leader of a social organization, who is a link between city and community, and is an advisor to urban managers and planners. There is a big gap between the urban planning and the culture of people in my country and the ongoing process of urbanization will bring different social, economic and citizenship rights problems to the community in the future. Thus I intend to act as a mediator and consultor to city council's members and the Neighbourhood's council In order to prioritize the pursuit of social harm in society and involve social studies properly in the process of development. I will use the knowledge I have got through studying in the UK to collaborating with authorities, and I will start from Tehran 1st district were my family and I living for a decade. My work will be consistent with sustainable development goals of United Nations such as sustainable cities and communities and partnership for goals.

My long-term goal is to establish my own organization in urban social activities. With Creating network of social activists all around the world, we will map the social structure of a society, and recognize how this city need to be resorted socially in long-term and short-term plans. I will help my society to be well-developed and be supreme in each dimension of viability. I will communicate with the DFID for implementing their goals in the Middle East which are mainly reconstruction relief and rehabilitation and improve living conditions and reduce vulnerabilities for conflict-affected communities.

Studying in the UK will equips me with proper knowledge I was seeking and make me confident to persue my deam path and effect on prosperity of my country.

Maedeh, you need a stronger collaboration reference with the DFID in this essay. Don't just be willing to help them implement their goals in your country. Say you will go to the DFID to present your developed plans for the urban development of your country. Seek out projects that could help to support their existing programs and explain how the collaboration will help hasten the development of the city or cities. The idea is to show how you can become the bridge that will help to strengthen the UK relationship with your country through joint projects and supported causes.

The first paragraph in your essay is unnecessary. Start with your post study plans immediately. The first presentation is not relevant to the reviewer. The relationship discussion for the early part should just be a culmination of your leadership, influencing, and networking essays. How will all of these come into play once you return to your country? That would be a pretty strong post study plan essay presentation. The last sentence in this essay is also a throw away. End with the previous paragraph instead.

Hi
To me all your career plans seem to be in the long term future. For instance establishment of the NGO and nurturing it doesn't seem to take less that 5 years.

I would advise you point out what you will do immediately you return home after school that will contribute to either your workplace, community or country; to me this is more short-term than registering an NGO and going through the heinous process of seeing it grow.

Otherwise, the you have the wider picture.

Thanks for reading my essay Kizire.
It is an existing NGO where I am currently working on and I'm planning to establish an extra section on that.
I think it is a possible short term goal for me ,however I can add one more short term goal to my essay.