Dear all, need your help to review my essay. Thank you.. :)
NETWORKING QUESTION
Chevening is looking for individuals with strong networking skills...
My responsibilities are in charged for pack-out demobilization activities. The activities involved many departments in its process. The process includes custom inspection, allowance and documents approval then continuous delivery from jobsite to their home in national or international region. I have to establish communication with other department such as Human Resources, Industrial Relation, Security, Containers, Cargo Transportation, Shipping, Export Import and delivery agents. Networking is important to make sure work process went smoothly. We need to build good working relationships with the people who can help us do our jobs.
I believe Chevening scholarship will have a great impact for me and my country. I will engage in Chevening community in making improvement of developing people in my country Indonesia. I will establish important global contacts that may prove extremely valuable later in my careers. Afterwards the course that I choose MSc Human Resource Management is accredited by the Chartered Institute of Personnel Development (CIPD). The CIPD is the largest professional body of HR and Learning & Development professionals with some 145,000 members across the globe. As a member of CIPD, I will join a global community of more than 145,000 professionals working in HR, learning and development, people management and consulting across all sectors. Then three universities that I choose is Russell Group universities, which have successful and growing alumni associations across the UK and internationally.
Receiving Chevening scholarship and study in UK is essential in my passion to develop my people in Indonesia and its relationship with the UK. It will provide excellent opportunities for networking and staying in touch. I will have people with positive energy in my inner circle and having them in my network is a strong predictor of success over time. If those around me are enthusiastic, authentic and generous, I will be, too.@yonas
Sincerely speaking Your essay is deficient in so many aspect. First, the grammar has seriously affected essay. Even though, the content of the essay you wrote were a mere wish (you will). Perhaps Chevening are looking for the networks you have already created.
I suggest you rewrite this essay
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,801 
4780 Yonas, your networking essay is supposed to give the Chevening reviewer an idea as to what kind of business contacts you have made over the years that you have been doing your job. That means, you are expected to show a sort of network development that ties in with your career improvements. People you meet during seminars and training programs, associations you join and the references that these two provide you with in line with your career movements should tie in with the development of your career and be exemplified in this essay. How you created the network, what it's worth / use to you in your profession, and how Chevening can benefit from your network should be reflected in the essay. Since none of these are represented in your essay, you cannot submit this essay for consideration. If you do, your application will be immediately cancelled due to non-compliance with the prompt requirements. Review the proper samples of networking essays here to help you get on the right track. Any of the samples here will help you at least direct your essay in a proper networking manner.
