Your comments will be highly appreciated. I am someone who have over 13 years of experience and looking forward to be a chevening Scholar and will need your help . Word count:502.
Knowledge is gained with the inquisitiveness to learn and it can be considered one of the best investments that an individual can bet on .This statement characterizes my beliefs. Ever since I started working I have nurtured a dream of becoming part of top level management team of a large multinational consulting firm and also to open my NGO working towards the cause of education for children. In recent years, business world have become rapidly integrated and anyone with high ambition is expected to have an international perspective and be aware of the realities of different international arenas.
My immediate career plan is to work with a large consultancy firm and to work for a social cause. If I am privileged to be a chevening scholar I would take the initiative of both the countries forward. As UK supports India's cause towards poverty eradication, towards education and towards proper sanitation, I would be working towards the cause of education being the "ambassador of change" .
As stated I have a vision to start my own NGO which would work towards education, I would carry this vision working towards children's education in far flung places. Having said that I have already started working towards the cause of education in a small Village "Langkyrdem" in the state of Meghalaya from the last one and half year. The village have schools which runs till 8th standard and post that children's have to travel almost 100km to attend school. They cannot complete their 10th standard due to financial constraints and most of them do not continue their education.NGO would definitely take its time so I explored my thoughts and requested two of my affluent friend to accompany me to the village and start funding for two students initially .They extended their hand to reach out to other people. So all three of us started a cause and we funded 6 student who would go to the nearby school this January '18. It is indeed a big sense of achievement for me no matter how successful I was professionally but the sheer happiness of seeing a life being made gave me the greatest joy. I also started drawing classes for the children's of the village free of cost every Saturday and Sunday. All books and drawing materials were supplied with a small fund collected. From just 8 student to start, now I have 52 students who attends the drawing class. This I believe is the start to my social cause and I would like to take this forward
One of my highest aspirations or a long term goal is to be one of those who establishes and be in the chair of a large consultancy firm like Mckinsey and also to take my NGO in the global arena supporting the cause of education.
With an MBA my strength would be elevated and it would invariable help me succeed personally and professionally, personally-through more confidence, through effective communication, thorough culture and professionally-through rightful knowledge, through real life learning.
Some corrections I found
invariable invariably help me succeed personally.
... more confidence,
through effective communication, and thorough culture.
through and real life learning.
My thoughts though. Hope it helps
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,511 3437
Ellora, the first paragraph doesn't really blend with the essay content that you wrote. It's just a word filler. Always begin your essay with a direct response to the prompt. Now, about the reference to the civic work that you did with 3 others, revise that paragraph to focus only on your participation within. Then directly connect that with your plans for your NGO over a period of 5 years. It is very important, essential, and beneficial to your application that you find a UK based NGO in Nigeria that has similar functions to yours. Discuss plans to initiate contact with that group through your NGO so that you can fulfill the prompt requirement about your plans having a direct relationship with the interests of the UK sponsored projects in your home country. Build on that plan in a manner that makes it the predominant plan in the essay in order to call the reviewers attention and make your essay standout among the other applicants. After all, that is a major prompt requirement that should not be overlooked. Explain why such a collaboration is of vital importance to your plans. Revise your essay completely so you can also have better control over the word count. About 300-400 words will be sufficient for your essay purpose. 500 exactly would be even better.
Thanks a ton for your response . Will revise and repost .That was helpful . Also I think I have to find out a UK based NGO in India as I am from India and not Nigeria .