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Chevening - to lead the organization and contribute to social development.

This is my essay for Chevening Scholarship.
Please review and give some advice.
Thank you.

Networking Question

[My essay]

government official in Nuclear Research Institute

I am a central government officier in our country. The main task of central government officials is to estblish national policies, and we have more opportunity which we can encounter various stakeholders than other people in the process of policy establishment. For example, when I worked in the education department, I worked with several principals to discuss the direction of certain education policy, and when I worked in the nuclear energy department, I worked with experts from a national research institute to development of nuclear energy policy. Thus, through such working activities, I think I have been able to improve my networking ability and helped me to build a good network

In other words, professional networking and excellent communication skills are essential to carry out well their job for government officials. As an example, after launching current regime in our country, government officers should try to effort realizing a core policy, which is called "creative economy". Thus, our minister have tried to visit research places as many as possible in order to understanding situation of researchers. In this regard, our minister ordered a task to our depertment in which establish a plan to visit the Nuclear Research Institute. Unfortunately, at that time, the chief of our department and my peer who was in charge of that task were on summer vacations, so I had to deal with the task on my behalf. Although I did not know well about nuclear research institute as a whole, I should make a impressive plan. Fortunately, I was able to get in touch with the person in charge of commercialization or spin-off of the technology at the Nuclear Research Institute through the personnel of the Nuclear Research Institute who had made the human relations with me through the work in the past. Through negotiating with the person in charge several times, I could select a technology that seemed to be the most successful, and I finally organized the visit plan. By my plan, our minister visited the Nuclear Research Institute without any problem. This experience enabled me to realize the importance of networking skills again.

Based on my current networking skills, if I become a part of Chevening, I believe that I can interact well with the members of Chevening and somenone who would meet during the course of study in the UK. I also expect that international experience will broaden and strengthen my networking skills, and I will come back to our country with one step forward. Lastly, I will be in charge of national policy making in various fields in the future, and I believe that new experiences will help me to lead the organization and contribute to social development.

Feb 14, 2017   #2
Taekeun, while you have shown an excellent networking skill in this essay, there is one point of the prompt that you did not include in your response because, I don't think you knew that this is something that can make your essay more impressive to the reviewer. For the Chevening Scholarship applicants, as part of the networking essay, it would help if you could show how you plan to use the Chevening network in your workplace upon graduation and in exchange for that influence, how you plan to help Chevening increase their network of graduates and also, how you can help the incoming Chevening scholars form networks of their own. For example, you could be a mentor, help to get some of them hired in your country, or anything that can prove that you would be more than happy to increase the web of Chevening graduates who help one another in their professional lives.
Feb 15, 2017   #4
You do not need to show a comparative example of your networking skills. The skill you display should be the one that you extensively discussed and explained in the essay. The minor, short essay is totally unnecessary and just clutters your discussion. Remove that part of the final paragraph and just focus on closing the discussion about how you will utilize the network and how you can help the Chevening network to grow. The essay came in very strong and stayed strong until the concluding paragraph was introduced. That is when the essay suddenly lost focus and tried to do one too many explanations in the essay. Those irrelevant examples (because you already presented a better example earlier) should be removed so as not to redirect the focus and concentration of the reviewer.
Right, I think I didn't understand your comment well.
How about below?
I just rewrite final paragragh.

[My Essay]
[...] As a result, this experience enabled me to realize the importance of networking skills again.

As you can see from the examples mentioned above, I think I am building good network. Thus, during the time I will be staying in the UK, I will be able to expand the scope of my network by interacting with Chevening memebers and people from diverse cultures, which will allow me to work smoothly when I carry out some task related with international cooperation. Also, when Chevening members work with our government or work in our country, I will use my network actively to help overcome their difficult situation, through this I belive that I could contribute to grow Chevening network.
Feb 16, 2017   #6
The start of your revised thread needs to have a strong and confident voice. The way that you wrote it has a clear sense of uncertainty in your presentation. Have the confidence to say that;

The network that I have developed over the years through my work experience assures me that I will be a beneficial member of the Chevening alumna in the future. Chevening will be sure to benefit from my government and private contacts in my home country anytime the need from any of the alumna arises. In exchange, I hope to help my country, my government, and myself whenever the need for relevant contacts from the Chevening alumna pool becomes necessary for me to call upon. Based on such a relationship, the Chevening network, its graduate scholars, and alumna will continue to benefit from my ever growing network pool.

I think that this statement is something that you can use to better close the essay. You have the option to use the closing statement I created or adjust it to your needs. You can even write a new ending based on what I wrote, the choice is all yours to make.

Dear Taekeun Lee,
Are you Chevening applicant for this year? Have u received shortlisted announcement for interview?

Maybe, I can suggest, reduce the self-center points, add the self-less more. Sometimes, reviewer want to see, how our experience accumulations can be useful and benefit others, not only level up ourself. How we contribute society with our resources.


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