Chevening essay: Being a LEADER and INFLUENCER that spread the positive vibe

Hello everyone

I'd really appreciate if you guys could take a look at my Leadership and Influence Question for Chevening
I need a feedback for my general essay content also my grammar and flow of writing. Thankyou :)

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Q. Chevening is looking for individuals who will be future leaders or influencers in their home countries. Explain how you meet this requirement, using clear examples of your own leadership and influencing skills to support your answer.

(498/500)

my experience in leadership and influence

A leader is one who can encourage his team to move forward, solve the existing challenge with a positive attitude and be open to any idea. Being in my position as a veterinarian in the medical division at Animal Sanctuary makes me have to lead some activity with wild animal. This condition made me have to improve my leadership skills.

On August 2017, this animal sanctuary had plans to move one Sumatran tiger to a bigger natural enclosure, so she can training her muscle before rehabilitation phase begin. To move the tiger, it takes anesthesia process and transportation involving paramedic and animal keepers. This procedure can be life-threatening if it isn't done properly. So I am responsible for ensuring that this translocation is working smoothly. First step that I do was to create a discussion forum for all the personnel who will be involved in the activities. I open the discussion about the translocation flow from the preparation of team members, equipment, transportation facilities, and scenario of anesthesia process. Inside the team there is one new member who looks worried and hesitant because this is his first experience. I try to convince him that everything will be fine if all done according to the procedure. The next step is to divide the task between teams so each person will be focus on their duty.and can get ready. I also specify a deadline deal for the equipment that needs to be prepared. The translocation runs smoothly even in recovery process the tiger has a slight complication of anesthesia. But it can be handled well because the whole team has been prepared with all the possibilities and can take quick action according to my instructions.

My experience in influencing people was conducting public awareness activities on rhino conservation last year. Collaborate with one of Indonesian children storyteller we spread the awareness in Sumatera Island as rhino habitat. There is no fund supporter for this activity. So I take the initiative to create an campaign on the online crowdfunding platforms in Indonesia. In addition to fund raising activities, through this campaign I hope lot of people would taking part in this movement and take the action to save rhino population, even in small part action.

I started to invite my closest friends to support this activity than move to my bigger circle of friend. I also regularly update the news of our awareness activities. At the end of the fund-raising period, the amazing thing was that the total funds collected exceeded the target I specified, with some participation from people I did not know. Finally the public awareness activities are done well. And after that event, the crowdfunding platform was interested in the campaign process. There is also Indonesian young conservasionist organization that also wants to expand this awareness to Borneo island. So they start to do crowdfunding based on what I do before.

That's my experience in leadership and influence. I hope my skill will improve in Chevening positive atmosphere.

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(498/500)

Aidell, the second paragraph does not clearly show a leadership and influencing skill. You were simply implementing a job that already had present rules and conditions for you to follow and remind (not influence) people of in order to make the action successful. That is why I don't want you to use that story in this presentation. The one that has more leadership and influencing potential is the story about the Rhino conservation. Don't mention when the activity took place, just say that it happened. That way the year you did the task becomes irrelevant to the presentation of your skills. Taking the initiative is always representative of a leadership skill. Develop the story about the campaign not having any funds. What steps did you have to take to lead the people to believe that the project can be done with or without financial support? Then explain how you influenced the fund raising activities so that it became successful. Develop an additional paragraph at the start of the essay in order to create new, more applicable opening statement. Then go directly to the discussion of the fund raising situation. I have a sense that this will create a very effective leadership and influencing presentation for you.