A leader is the one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way
I would be very happy to see your positive feedback on my essay. I am so concerned about the length of my essay, I believe it exceeds the maximum limit of the words. Any input in which part I should omit?
Thanks,
imbws
Everybody has their own way to define a leader, but I really like the definition from John C Maxwell, "A leader is the one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way." The way he defines a leader just fits in me, representing who I really am. For me, a leader must be creative and innovative in order to get ahead in today's fast-paced world. Most importantly, a leader has to know how to turn his ideas into real-world success story.
I realize that creativity and innovation have become essential parts in my educational and professional life. Back in 2009, I was appointed as Chief of Internal Division for Public Relation Department in Ocean Engineering Student Union. As a chief, I was responsible to familiarize the union's programs to all students and lecturers, as well as to ensure their involvement in the programs. I came up with an idea of an effective communication media by maximizing the use of wall magazines. The challenge, then, was how to attract the students and lecturers' attention to read the wall magazines. I proposed another idea to make the wall magazine more attractive and led my team to construct 3D wall magazines. We worked very hard every time we had free period in between classes. Finally, our hard work has paid off. All students and lecturers were very excited to read not only the association's programs but also other information put on the wall magazines. The student union area became more crowded and that was our chance to engage with the crowd and encourage them to actively involve in the programs. In the end, we executed all programs successfully and gained full support from the students and lecturers.
Being a leader is not always about leading and coming up with creative ideas. How a leader goes and executes the ideas with integrity, excellent planning, and empathy is as important as coming up with innovation. I always implement those values to be a good leader in the company I work for, Pertamina.
I was accepted by Pertamina, an Indonesia state-owned oil and gas company, through Professional Development Program (PDP) in December 2012. The program was uniquely designed to prepare the company future leaders. I gained many experiences both in technical and managerial skills during the program. After the program, I successfully led numerous technical projects, such as service life extension analysis for offshore platforms, risk-based underwater inspection, and IMR program for mothballed equipment.
In addition, to enhance my managerial skill, I am currently leading an event entitled Quarterly Forum Integrity Management (QFIM) focusing on the improvement of asset integrity and hence, the oil and gas production. Under my leadership, I set high standards for the event in terms of preparation, execution, and monitoring regardless the fact that the event should be held in an effective and efficient ways. I proposed to reduce the event duration into only one day, yet focusing not only on asset integrity and production but also detailed execution and budget planning. I realized that by reducing the duration, I had to develop excellent strategic plans during the preparation and monitoring. Therefore, I developed an intense preparation program in which I encouraged all engineers to actively involve in the event. I also developed a simple tool to ensure the monitoring process can be done effectively. Last but not least, I always encourage my team to always work with integrity and lift them up when they are in their lows. For me, building empathy with my team will strengthen our connection and lead to pleasant working situation.
I believe that pursuing master degree in UK will give me a chance to improve my leadership skill. Furthermore, if I am awarded Chevening scholarship, I will get the opportunity to meet young leaders from all nations and share experiences in order to lead Indonesia moving forward.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,797 
4780 Bayu, delete the first half of this essay. The only relevant part that you should work on developing is the part that discusses your entry into Pertamina. You may begin by discussing the type of leadership training you received from them, Be particular about the areas of leadership where you believe you stood out or gained recognition for it. That way you indicate your leadership style without actually having to explain it in detail.
I want you to revise your team leadership presentation though because there is too much focus on the "I" of your leadership but not enough of the "we" recognition in terms of team influencing. Your essay glosses over the most important aspects of the essay which is the example of your leadership and influencing skills in action. You are not really convincing the reviewer as you tend to tell him rather than show him your abilities. It is the example that is important in this discussion. Not the definition nor the run-down of your leadership and influencing presentation.
Specifics are required and highlights are important in the presentation. By doing so, you will most likely develop a competitive leadership and influencing essay. I don't doubt that you can do that because you were trained by the company to become a leader. You just have to make sure you focus on that development of your leadership and influencing style.
By editing the essay in the manner that I suggest, you will definitely fall below the word count and have room to further improve the essay because of the paragraphs you will be removing from the early part of the presentation. That word allowance will be very useful in completing the edited version of your essay.
