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Chevening Scholarship - Leadership : the one who can develop their character, knowledge, and skills


PratiwiU 1 / -  
Nov 7, 2016   #1
Hi, pls review my essay, I am not a good writer but any suggestion will be helpful. Thank you

Leadership means different things to many people. To me, it's not about managing people or individual, but encouraging and inspiring them through one's actions. I believe leaders are made and not born; meaning that the one who can develop their character, knowledge, and skills can be a Leader.

My leader skills appeared at first when I involved in college organization activity. In 2010, I was elected as the chairman of Universitas Padjadjaran Management Student Society for a year period. As a leader, I have to manage aspiration from all stakeholders including 150 team members. The ability to communicate the vision is vital because I did not pay them. In the end of period I am proud to say that we can and deliver programs that I over in the campaign process such as hosted national business case study competition, city tourism marketing competition, annual sport event, run study club program and the most important thing is that we did regeneration to continue organization.

In 2016, as a digital branch manager in a leading investment bank in Indonesia that supervise 6 team members, I have to make sure all the team member can contribute to the company's target. As a leader, I always set a good example and bring solutions if they had difficulty in work. I came to the office on time so that it may become a good example to others.

Moreover I have never been afraid to take part in competitions. Competition builds winners, leaders, innovators and success stories. Without it, none of us would be here. I took part in many extracurricular activities and business case study competitions to gain more experience and improve on my social and leadership skills. I was the runner up in my faculty's debate competition. My business team went into the finals in Prasetya Mulya's 'Business School Marketing Plan Competition' where we got to introduce a new product line to the brand manager of the biggest F&B Company in Indonesia to boost their sales. In 2012, we also had the opportunity to represent Indonesia in "Danone Trust International Business Games" after emerging as champion in an intense elimination stage with more than 100 participating teams.

Finally, leaders create chances to change their society and country, influences a group towards the goal achievement to refine life quality.
Jamco 2 / 6 1  
Nov 7, 2016   #2
@PratiwiU

Hi Rezha, you have strong points in your essay and I see that you are putting in your effort to portray yourself as a good leader to others around you. However, I see a room for improvement in the way you structure your sentences.

Hope this helps in any way.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,764 4768  
Nov 7, 2016   #3
Rehza, your essay is currently the result of your scattered brain. The thought process has you discussing your leadership experience in a less than chronological manner. You do not have a clear path towards presenting your leadership abilities and influencing skills. Your college leadership experience is irrelevant to this discussion. Mostly because you only held the position for one year and did not really have any experience that would better illustrate your leadership and influencing skills. Why did you neglect to build up your professional leadership skills?

As a digital branch manager, the title of your position alone screams "Leadership!" and "Influence!" You could have built your entire essay on that implied leadership and influencing ability alone. I am sure that you have had some fires at the office that you had to put out either in terms of leadership ability or influencing skills. Can't you try and build a new essay around that concept? The professional aspect of your leadership skills are more important than your college activities that you believe relate to the prompt. It would be in your best interest to strengthen your discussion using that concept if you can.


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