Hello , this is my first draft for my Chevening networking essay , I would highly appreciate it if you could possibly help me out both content and grammatical wise .
The importance of networking skills became evident when I was still a student at the university .With the support of one of my connections I was able to secure my first and current job in a leading multinational pharmaceutical company . When it comes to networking I'm strongly committed to creating new connections and maintaining them as I believe this is highly essential in achieving success in terms of both personal growth and climbing the career ladder.
In my senior year studying to become a pharmacist I enrolled in the seminar in pharmaceutics & pharmaceutical technology , I choose to conduct my seminar on the quality control department in order to shed the light on their role within the pharmaceutical companies. With the aim of representing my seminar at the highest level of professionalism and transparency , I took the initiative in re-connecting with the QC department that I had met earlier at Hikma Pharmaceuticals during a field trip organized by our faculty . Contacting them not only made my seminar very successful and distinguished but also and most importantly I had the opportunity to further tighten my relationship particularly with one member of the QC team forming a solid relationship , this was very helpful as I turned to this member shortly after graduation who thankfully was very supportive in informing me about vacancies and passing my CV to the regulatory affairs management , briefly afterwords I earned an interview and eventually became an employee at Hikma Pharmaceutical .
Through working in a dynamic environment in my role as a regulatory affairs officer , I had to coordinate and deal with several departments and multiple regulatory agencies and health authorities, giving me the privilege of constantly creating new connections with people in marketing , sales and regulatory bodies across the globe. Additionally I managed to further expand my network through the events and conferences that I attend . Getting to know my connections and approaching them as if were trying to make friends rather than merely exchanging business cards in addition to taking the initiative in following up and maintaining the relationships whether through sharing industry updates or a simple friendly gesture , This all had led me to possess such a rich wide network from different sectors .
Being a Chevening scholar offers the opportunity of meeting young motivated leaders from different backgrounds and cultures, and this will prove to be very worthy upon my return to Jordan , as enhancing my networking horizons will serve a great deal in transferring me into business development position within my current company , where networking skills are crucial in succeeding in such an important position which I aspire to reach as to contribute in improving pharmaceutical industry as a whole in Jordan .
Hanan, this extremely detailed and impressive networking narrative is exactly the kind of essay that has a very good chance of hooking the reviewer into considering your application on a more serious level. You not only presented the early groundwork of your network, but you also displayed excellent networking skills when you started looking for a job and then performing your job. I would like to commend you for fully understanding what the prompt required and delivering the exact response that would make an impression on the reviewer. I will admit that there is one section that needs to be clarified but it is not something that can negatively affect the essay. In fact, the clarification can only make the essay stronger. That said, we just need to correct a few things so that the essay will be polished and usable afterwards. Here we go!
Par.1:
The importance of networking skills became evident when I BECAME CONSCIOUS OF THE IMPORTANCE OF NETWORKING WHILE I was still a student at the university .With the support of one of my INTERNSHIP connections I was able to GAIN GAINFUL EMPLOYMENT WITH MY CURRENT COMPANY, WHICH IS AT in a leading multinational pharmaceutical company . When it comes to networking I'm strongly committed to creating new connections and maintaining them as I believe this is highly essential in achieving success in terms of both personal growth and climbing the career ladder.
Par.2:
In DURING my senior year studying to become a pharmacist , I enrolled in the seminar in pharmaceutics & pharmaceutical technology , I choose to conduct my seminar on the quality control department in order to shed the light on their role within the pharmaceutical companies.
COMMENT: I AM A BIT CONFUSED, YOU ENROLLED IN A SEMINAR? OR DID YOU CONDUCT A SEMINAR? AN ATTENDEE NORMALLY SITS AND LISTENS TO THE SPEAKER. A SEMINAR CONDUCTOR CHOOSES A TOPIC TO DISCUSS DURING THE SEMINAR. CAN YOU JUST CLARIFY THAT POINT? THE REVIEWER MAY FIND THAT STATEMENT A BIT CONFUSING.
With the aim of representing my seminar at the highest level of professionalism and transparency , I took the initiative inre-connecting TO RECONNECT with the QC department
COMMENT: YOU CANNOT CONNECT WITH THE DEPARTMENT BUT YOU CAN CONNECT WITH THE DEPARTMENT HEAD OR DEPARTMENT MEMBERS. PLEASE MAKE SURE TO INDICATE THE POSITION OF THE PERSON YOU CONTACTED.
that WHOM I had met earlier at Hikma Pharmaceuticals during a field trip organized by our faculty . Contacting them THE RIGHT PERSON not only made my seminar very successful and distinguished , but also and most importantly, ALLOWED ME I had the opportunity to further tighten TIGHTEN my relationship particularly with one member of the QC team , forming a solid relationship . ,t This was very helpful as I turned to this member shortly after graduation who thankfully was very supportive in informing me about vacancies and passing my CV to the regulatory affairs management , briefly afterwords . I EVENTUALLY earned an interview and eventually became an employee at Hikma Pharmaceutical .
Par.3:
Through working in a dynamic environment in my role as a regulatory affairs officer , I had to coordinate and deal with several departments and multiple regulatory agencies and health authorities,[ g . Giving me the privilege of constantly creating new connections with people in marketing , sales and regulatory bodies across the globe. Additionally I managed to further expand my network through the events and conferences that I attend . Getting to know my connections and approaching them as if I were trying to make friends rather than merely exchanging business cards , in addition to taking the initiative in OF following up and maintaining the relationships whether through sharing industry updates or a simple friendly gesture , This THESE all had led me to possess such a rich wide network from COVERING different sectors .
Par.4:
Being a Chevening scholar offers the opportunity of meeting young motivated leaders from different backgrounds and cultures, and this will prove to be very worthy upon my return to Jordan . , as e Enhancing my networking horizons will serve a great deal in transferring me into A business development position within my current company , where networking skills are crucial in succeeding in such an important position which I aspire to reach as to contribute in improving pharmaceutical industry as a whole in Jordan .
COMMENT: YOU ARE JUST TALKING ABOUT NETWORKING SKILLS. THAT IS WHAT THE PROMPT REQUIRES. THIS LAST SENTENCE SPEAKS OF YOUR FUTURE GOALS AND SHOULD THEREFORE BE IN A DIFFERENT ESSAY.
