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Chevening Post Study Plan: Helping Indonesia Using Data

aulianindia 1 / -  
Oct 25, 2017   #1
Hi All!
I made a draft for my Chevening Post Study Plan Essay, I would really appreciate if you could proofread my essay, whether for the grammar or the overall content. Thank you so much in advance! :)

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Big Data Analytic & Monetizing Officer profession

I have always wanted to be helpful to a lot of people, but I didn't know how. I even had a question in my mind "do I have to be a doctor to be able to help a lot of people?". Then I grew up and realize, the most important thing is doing something that "gives impact", whether it's a direct or indirect impact.

When I was in my last year in college, I learn about big data analytics. As a student, I know from the book I read about how big data analytics can improve life quality by giving the right information at the right time, so every decision made will be data-driven. Although I didn't really feel it until I got my first job as a Big Data Analytic & Monetizing Officer in an Advertising & Agency Company.

My team got some project from other companies and the government, we were expected to provide some information using their internal data and combined with the data available on the internet. This information will be used to support them in decision making, acquire new customers, or in some government's cases, to help them formulate strategy and create policy. The moment our team completed and succeeded the project, I realize that we had been making something great. Something that will help thousands of people to have a better life. At that time, I decided that I will be focusing my career in big data analytics area.

I am planning to return to Indonesia and work as a big data analyst in a company, to continue my contribution to help people in my country having a better quality of life. I will also do some research that will be useful for the development of my home country. In the future, I want to devote my self to education and become a lecturer to share my knowledge, experiences and influence the young generation to create something that will give a good impact on others.

I believe that taking my master degree in UK will give me an exceptional opportunity to meet many people around the world to exchange great ideas, make collaboration, and broaden my network. I will also gain useful skills and knowledge from the expert to enrich my experience for my future plan.

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alvin1902 4 / 7 1  
Oct 25, 2017   #2
hi @aulianindia

This is an interesting essay, but half of your essay is about the background of your study plan. you only give one paragraph as your main topic and i think that you need to explain it in a more detail way. how sure are you that your big data research will bring Indonesia to a better quality of life? you need to explain clearly what's your plan step by step. hopefully you get what I mean and improve your essay.

cheers as a fellow indonesian student :)
Hadeer 5 / 13  
Oct 25, 2017   #3
your essay is about the background of your study plan not your future career plan, you should discus more details about your future plans, your immediate plan and your long term plans and how this plans relevant to UK priorities in your country
Holt [Contributor] - / 9,504 2953  
Oct 26, 2017   #4
Anindia, you do not need to present the first 3 paragraphs in this essay. The focus of the post study plan is to elaborate on how you hope to use your gained knowledge in Big Data upon your return to your country. You have a good start with that discussion in your 4th paragraph. So use that as your new opening statement. Then proceed to explain what the interests the UK has in big data in Indonesia. You will need to justify how the UK has an ongoing big data project in your country that you hope to work with in the future. There are two things you have to accomplish in this essay.

1. Present your 5 year career plan regarding big data.
2. Present how the UK has big data interests in Indonesia and make sure that you explain how your 5 year career plan fits into it.

Find the UK project first then revise the essay accordingly.
feby 3 / 10  
Oct 28, 2017   #5
hey, here is some feedback

first, you don't need to mention about your background (paragraph 2), because the essay should be your career plan after returning your country. besides, your educational background has mentioned in the specific form in the web.

second, as a viewer, I don't really understand what is the next your plan, because you only mention about your current job. you must have detail your plan.

third, it will better if you arrange your essay with the background, I mean you can mention why your job is important to your country, and why the U.K should choose you.

I hope that useful, check mine if you have a time

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