I need some suggestions, please give me constructive feedback.
STUDYING IN THE UK QUESTION
opportunity to expand and enrich my network - Chevening Networking essay
Networking is the key that will open all the opportunity. It is not only about meeting a new people but also to maintain and develop strengthen the relationship among the parties involved. Chevening will become the place where every scholar gains a potential networking opportunity with great influence global network. That is why attracted me to the Chevening program. I also believed that the good networking did not form instantly. Therefore, This drove me to build a strong networking since in undergraduate program.
During my Undergraduate study at Brawijaya University, I always maintain good relationship among the professors and students. I have been joining several organizations at college. One of my organization is HMS (Civil Engineer Student Organization). That was an academic organization which intended to bridge the gap among students to the university and developed networking among graduate.
There was a moment where my Chief of Construction Management Laboratory, Mr Saifoe, responsible to set up a National Seminar which established by Minister of higher education Indonesia. I was a member of HMS who given a trust to become his committee event. The seminar run perfectly, as the result, I got (name of certificate) from the Minister of higher education Indonesia. With that certificate, I achieved two rewards, a job in a multinational company and strong connection with Mr Saifoe. Moreover, have a strong relationship with Mr Saifoe also brought me to complete my bachelor degree. He was agreed to help me as a supervisor my final essay and acquainted me to project manager in a valuable company for doing some research for my Bachelor thesis. Coincidentally, he offered me to join the company after graduated.
After graduating my college, I have been expanding my network. I have a big interest to learn more about developing a company. This brought me to meet CEO of Luckon Arthaka Company, Mr Bismar. He is one of Indonesia young entrepreneur who begins the company with low funds until becoming one of the companies which produce a ship for Indonesia's army. I learned a lot from him through discussions. For instance, he taught me about basic principles to start a new company if you did not have enough fund, how to manage the man resources and developed it, introduced with a strategy to face the problem and handle it optimally. He also encouraged me to strengthen my idea and built it into a clearly concepts.
Mr Bismar also invited me to visit his company for give an idea about executing a company. After all discussion about establishes company in future, he supported me to gain more knowledge and networking that Chevening produced. With a good plan starting my own company, combined with networking and knowledge from Chevening, He did not hesitate to arrange some cooperation in the future.
To sum up, I believe that I have built a strong networking and Chevening scholarship will give me an opportunity to expand and enrich my network. I can not wait to see how Chevening network will bridge my future.
(word count: 502/500)The question you have mentioned at the top of the essay suggests the reader to expect a STUDY IN UK essay, whereas the essay is a networking essay. Moreover, the word count exceeds the maximum word limit. Even though it exceeds by just 2 words, it will have a negative impact on your application so strictly abide by the allowed word count.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Feby, do you know that you have provided the wrong essay content with the prompt you were provided? You know what will happen if you pass this to the Chevening committee in this form? This will cause the automatic disqualification of your essay. You will lose the opportunity to win the grant because you were careless with the way that you presented the information. You were not thinking. You were not double checking your work. You were not functioning properly. There is nothing I can do to help you with this essay because you did not follow the instructions. I know I can help you, but I can't help you when you don't follow the instructions for the essay. You better review your work and replace the essay with the correct one. You also wasted your chance to get a usable, analytical, and solid singular free advice for this essay. I cannot continue to advice you at this point for this essay. What a wasted chance. All because you were not focused on what you were supposed to be doing.
@feby
I think you need to focus more on how did you use your connections to overcome some problems during your professional career..That's something you applied for the third paragraph but you missed in the fourth and fifth...it's important to have some connections but what's more important is how would you benefit form it...also you need to check the grammar as for 2nd line:better use "maintain,develop and strengthen"..Hope that would help
