Hello, everyone! This is my essay of supporting statement for Australia Awards Scholarships and I need all of your help to take corrections on my essay. Thanks you for your kindly support.
Q. How did you choose your proposed course and institution?
Firstly, the reason why I decided to choose Master of International Business is my strong passion for international business and my background exposure in business. I have spent most of my time in our family's small business since I finished my high school graduate. Although my primary degree is a Bachelor degree in English major, my personal experience and diploma in business management which I am pursuing at the present have encouraged me to apply for this course. So, by taking the coursework of Master of International Business, I would be able to demonstrate a superior knowledge and understanding in international and global business operations. Having these skills and knowledge would enable me to help improving policies governing the world trade and investing system in my country, Myanmar. Since Myanmar is starting a step towards democracy to become a developed country from every aspects such as politics, economics, education, and so on, all SMEs in Myanmar must be developed to international business enterprises for the reason that a large number of small enterprises in Myanmar have not been developed so far. Therefore, I definitely believe that I would be able to contribute my country from the side of economics aspect with my full knowledge gained from this proposed course in that the Master of International Business helps students from international countries to develop wide-ranging skills that will enhance their effectiveness working in international business. The program provides a solid grounding in the foundations of management and strategic thinking, relative to international and global market operations. It also provides an understanding of how operating across borders impacts different functional areas. This program develops awareness of policies governing the world trade and investment system, and emphasises the Asia-Pacific region. As the global economy continues to expand, the demand for international business education is higher than ever and expected to increase. As a specialist who understands the diversity of international business and is armed with a strong business school background, he or she can be a valuable participant in global business ventures.
Secondly, choosing Melbourne University as my first option is its reputation with renowned researchers and industry leaders recognized globally for their outstanding achievements and it is well-known as ranked #1 in Australia and its world-standard curriculum and 100 majors to choose from to help my passion for reaching my full potential. The above reasons I have mentioned does motivate me to apply for this course and institution.
Hi Nyein Nu, you do not have to answer the question like question answer but write creatively like a story. Then, you said that this is because of your passion and background experience. But why you did bachelor's in English majors when you have a family business and you have the passion? saying your personal experience and diploma encouraged you to apply to the program seems vague here. The passion went missing.
Wow you did very good for the part why this program. I will recommend you to work on your first part of the essay. Why you chose this program is very well answered but how you decided for this course is missing. Few points need to be answered here: How you got the passion for this field? What is the personal experience you are talking about here? If you were passionate then why you chose English as the majors? Will it benefit you for the program? How only diploma in business management helped you to decide for this program? Just explain these specific lines :
Firstly, the reason why..........apply for this course. You need to make your introduction part as strong as the other part of your essay. I am editing the other part here:
Master of ....Businesswill provide me with a superior ....... operations. This will further prepare me to take part in formulation of the policies ....... initiating a ....country in every aspect including politics, ...and education. All SMEs (Write the full form) in Myanmar ...... enterprises. Therefore, I .....to my country (Can you write more how can you help in future?)from the side .....The program helps students ..............
Melbourne University is reputed with renowned .....achievements.(Don't write too long sentences, try to break them.) ... 100 majors(Are 100 majors is in international business only? How it will help you?)
