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3 Choices of University Courses that Will Develop My Career.

obbiescholar 3 / 5  
Nov 4, 2017   #1
Hi guys, this is my "Chosen three university courses" essay for Chevening Scholarship. But if you have any comments and suggestions will be more than happy to accept it

Outline why you have selected your chosen three university courses, and explain how this relates to your previous academic or professional experience and your plans for the future.

Corruption, Procurement Law, Conflict and International Development courses

I currently work as a State Auditor in the Indonesian Financial and Development Supervisory Board (BPKP) and our institutional slogan states, "establish clean governance and clean government." is very noble and ideal for a nation that wants to move forward. Nonetheless, implementation of these ideals is easier said than done. The main factor that supports the achievement of these goals is the quality of human resources and knowledge ability itself. I'm realized that my first degree education - Bachelor's Degree in Law focusing State Financial Law and Civil Law- although relevant to the needs of the institution where I am presently employed, it is not sufficient to meet these goals. There are many important skills and knowledge I need to improve especially in the field of governance, state financial and development to overcome the problems I found in the assignment as state auditor such as strategic anti-corruption approaches, strategic development,international standards of governance and many more. Above all, that is the reason I am applying for these three course from three institutions that are proven to be high quality.

My First choice is Corruption and Governance (MA) in University of Sussex. Based on my research on the internet, this course remains the only full-time MA analyzing issues of corruption, anti-corruption and governance in the world. Most of the courses provided are closely related to my education namely the law with the focus of state finance law. In addition, the courses are also important for a State auditor to develop an understanding of corruption and what can be done to counteract it. Furthermore, they also provide internships for three months in various institutions in the UK, making it very effective in applying the knowledge and skills in when I come back later to Indonesia.

My second choice is Public Procurement Law and Strategy (LLM) in Bangor University. Public procurement is the largest sector of corruption in Indonesia, nearly 80 percent of cases handled by my institution come from this sector. By studying this course, I hope its help me to understand the complex issues organizations involved in public sector tendering face, and to develop more creative legally compliant public procurement solutions so that I can contribute more in relation to the prevention of corruption on public procurement in my country. In particular, the fact that this course is an LLM which is in line with my previous education, gives me an easier picture of the courses provided.

My third choice is Conflict, Governance and International Development (MA) In University of East Anglia. This course focuses on the political development goals of sustainable peace, good governance and stable democracy. I am currently assigned in West Papua Province - a complex area, where ongoing conflict and self-segregation has impeded regional development and national integration. The situation has required a deep understanding of how to enforce and preserve a number of aspects, including legislative reform on economic and social issues, protection of human rights, and sustainable development. Therefore, enrolling this course will surely improve my knowledge base regarding these issues, and thus make it easier to do my duties as a government auditor.

Ultimately, the chance to study in one of those university courses not only enable me to carry out my duties as a public servant even more effectively but also would help me ensure the future development of my country, thus indirectly have a good impact on the relationship of cooperation between Indonesia and other countries such as the UK.
Hiwi_Life 10 / 31 7  
Nov 4, 2017   #2

First and for most you exceeded the 500 word limit. I think you can achieve that limit by eliminating some repeated concepts such as your last paragraph is unnecessary, also you can eliminate the sentence describing your first choice as the only full time course in the second paragraph because you have to reason out your choice due to its contents and relevance to your future career plan not on being full or part-time. This will reduce you word to around 495 which is good and achieved by removing unnecessary sentences. Other than that what I had mentioned it is a good essay with good reasoning for choices and work and education background.

This is my opinion and I hope it helps. Good luck
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,560 4442  
Nov 5, 2017   #3
Obbie, your first course choice is the weakest presentation in this essay because it is the one that doesn't have any "meat" to its presentation. Since this is your first option for study and will be the course you will enroll in when your scholarship is approved, you need to expand the discussion in this paragraph. Remove the information about the data you got from the internet. Don't talk about the courses, Instead, discuss how the internship program will help you to improve your skills as a State Auditor in your country. That is the most important element of the course curriculum you have chosen and that is the discussion with the most applicability to the work you are doing, so focus on that instead. In order to bring down the word count of your essay, you need to shorten the introductory paragraph. Just say that graft and corruption is the main problem in your country and experts in the field of "graft and corruption elimination" are necessary in order to eradicate the problem, which is why you are interested in the 3 courses. You do not need to give such a detailed explanation in the opening paragraph. The main concern here are your university choices. Keep your closing statement. That helps to reinforce the discussions you have presented. You cannot have an essay that does not have a closing paragraph. That is not done in an academic setting.

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