Why do you choose this course and the institution?
Australian Award Scholarship
During the summer of 2011, I saw a real eye of view of people standing at the out-patient department of the most reputed hospital in Kathmandu. I thought how much is the pain to have the illness and standing in line for hours just to get a few minutes of check-up even without diagnosing a real problem and spending the huge chunk of money is highly unbearable. I think that How costly is the unhealthy beginning of the day. I know this entirely unsatisfied spending puts people into impoverished life.
Within the first year of my professional career, I decided to study Master in public health which specialize on health economics in the future. The lives of homeless people, people spending huge amount before they diagnose with TB, I think we need alternative actions and they need more rigid socio-economic interventions.
Firstly, I am really intrigued with the pioneer team of health economist and well-designed curricular independent learning course of Deakin University with research domain especially in economics of health problems and health care oriented. Anna's strong analytical techniques in economic evaluation of chronic disease will surely meet the interest of mine to methodologically evaluate infectious disease modelling of Nepal. Rob Carter's pioneering activity in assessing cost-effectiveness study and Prof Cathy's involvement in priority populations play key role in developing ideas of vulnerable populations in Nepal.
Meanwhile, MPH in concentration in health economics and evaluation course at the University of Melbourne offer a research capstone project of my choice in my country of origin and this is suited to my area of interest. The cross-faculty network at Melbourne which includes global health, economics and medicines provides multi-directional understanding of health care issues and methodological evaluation of them. For example: Arthur Hseuch's study of delay in diagnosis of mental problems is a huge benefit to understand policy issues in disease control programs.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,797 
4780 Your reason remains unclear. You focused too much on the backstory without focusing on the reason why an MPH would be an applicable next career step for you. I grant that you were influenced into this line of study by the health problems of your country. However, you did not really qualify a connection between the two. If this is all about economics in relation to health then you better come up with a clearer explanation that will connect your current work duties with the advanced career opportunities that this course will allow you to pursue. All in relation to helping your countrymen of course.
The third paragraph is too informal when it comes to referencing the professors at the university. Address them in the paragraph as you would a colleague or a respected professor. What are their title descriptions? Professor, doctor? That will help add clarity to the paragraph. It seems too casual when referencing people of respect from the university. Right now, it sounds like you know these people on a personal basis, which I am sure, isn't the case.
Try to discuss what sort of socio-economic plans you have to address the health problems in your country. Reference how this plan will benefit from your studies and what career opportunities, related to socio-economic health advancement, will allow you to pursue. Your example at the end of the last paragraph does not work. Either remove it or add an explanation to support the example you are citing. The current presentation leaves that sentence hanging. The reader expects to read additional information in reference to that example.
@Holt
Thank you so much. I think I need much more help on this. Really strong feedback to take in.
I think you should give additional information about why you choose your university destination (Deakin University) such as its world ranking in public health and the facilities.
Hi Tara, i hope this advice will be useful.
- clearly explain why you need to pursue this master degree? For instance, your country need more professional in Public health due to .....
- What's the benefit your country will gain after the completion of your study
- provide explanation regarding the course structure of the proposed university that support your professional development.
Anyway, good luck!
