Why I choose master course in Mining and Metallurgical Engineering at Curtin University

Hi! i need help on this essay, please give me any advice or correction. Thanks!

AAS Supporting Statement

After graduating as bachelor in Mining Engineering, I am motivated to develop my knowledge and skill further into this subject. The reason behind this is because I am concerned on how mining practices in small-scale mines in Aceh are done. Currently, there are many traditional gold mines operated by local people in my hometown. Most of the mines are using mercury in the extraction process which is really harmful for both the workers and the environment. Moreover, the mercury wastes are directly released into the surrounding environments without any treatment procedure, causing fish in the river bed and local people to suffer from mercury poisoning. Thus, this method of gold extraction need to be adjusted into a safer and eco-friendly system in order to satisfy a good mining practice.

I choose master course in Mining and Metallurgical Engineering at Curtin University due to the courses offered are focused toward mining and metallurgical processing operations. Additionally, Curtin University provides comprehensive research labs and facilities for this faculty, namely: Computer Lab, Mining Simulator, Geomechanics Labs, and Metallurgy Facilities. Furthermore, most of the academic staffs and researchers are professional engineer with years of experience in their field of expertise. I think those strong capacity are the reason why Curtin is ranked 2nd in the world for Mineral and Mining Engineering based on QS World University Ranking.

These considerations encourage me to deepen my study in the extractive process of mineral resources in this institution that will hopefully lead me to a solution for the current mining practice in my hometown.

Farhan, I am uncertain as to how to help you improve this essay because you did not provide the prompt instructions for the development of the essay response. That's too bad because I can only offer you one free advice per essay that you post. All I can do to help you at this point is give you a general review and offer a comment regarding the general weakness of your essay.

There is a mistake in your personal reference to your college degree. You do not graduate as a bachelor, you graduate with a degree in Bachelor of Science in Mining Engineering. Please correct that grammatical error as soon as you can. Remember, the first sentence you write will help to build your image as a potential student with the reviewer. Perfect grammar should be the ideal goal in this instance to help in the creation of that image.

Please restate your desire to help the mining community in a manner that indicates what your current profession is, what the duties and responsibilities are, and what steps you have taken so far to help improve the mining community in your area / country. At this point, there is no actual purpose for your studies if it does not tie in with a professional setting. Without the professional implication, the reviewer will wonder about how you plan to become of help to the community and how you can Implement these changes you will learn about during your course of study.

The aforementioned shortcoming of your essay is what makes it weak and unable to compete on a professional consideration level with the other applicants. You need to strengthen that aspect of your essay if you are to stand any sort of chance at admission consideration.

Thank you very much for your help and comment on my essay. i will review it accordingly.