Why did you choose the proposed course and institution?
Good day, I was hoping if someone would be kind enough to review my statement and provide their advice about my writing. Thank you very much!
The world of the economy is a very complex and an-ever changing environment that is constantly striving to meet the needs and wants of the people, bearing in mind that there are finite resources to meets these demands. In broader terms, the Economy also concerns itself with the livelihood of its people by addressing issues such as poverty, unemployment and inequality. The economy will always be confronted with problems that require it to make firm decisions based on computational, communication, collaborative, analytical skills and an in-depth understanding of the international market trends.
XX is a developing country, with 42% of its entire population falling under the national poverty line and the unemployment rate sky-rocketing at 4.6% in 2020. Key challenges that hinder the country from developing and rising to its potentials are the ineffectiveness of the policies in spending the annual budget investing in other Industrial sectors to diversify the economy, first-class infrastructures and human capital to produce highly-skilled, competent workers, which in and of itself can act as favourable incentives (along with financial incentives) for both local and foreign investors.
I choose to study the bachelor of commerce majoring in economics to assist the XX government in accelerating the economic growth with a strong emphasis on developing and strengthening the Industrial sector and investing in human capitals, bringing prosperity and raising the standards of living in the country. Through the studies within economics, I will gain deeper insight into the economy which will influence my judgements to take a more sensible approach under the theme of developing the country.
I choose Deakin University as my proposed institution because it is one of the largest and prestigious universities in Australia, with its Business School being enlisted in the top 1% of business schools globally. This ensures that I will be equipped with professional accreditation, trained to think critically and draw a conclusion based on evidence.
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Try to choose 2 universities and courses for this essay. It will give you a better chance of being considered for the scholarship. For the proposed undergraduate course and major, you need to prove that these course choices will make you employable in your country upon your return. Referring to fulfilling a gap in the professional field or a government program you hope to help fulfill would help your application. Try to represent a personal and professional interest in the presentation. More importantly, ensure that you will be able to prove that you will become a future leader in your country once you begin working there after you graduate. The scholarship wants to be sure that they train future leader in the country. The problem, is that I do not get a sense of that in this presentation.
Another way you can prove the usability of your course choice is by showing that you are already participating in activities that are relevant in terms of exposure and training to your major field of interest. Rather than just relying on deeper insight, prove that you have a basic understanding of what the major you have chosen is about due to relevant activities and pre undergraduate training.
The university choices need to be based on your overall development: academically, personally, and socially. Each university has a unique way of helping their foreign students develop these aspects during their time as a student. Consider discussing these as a part of your reason for choosing a university, but avoid making yourself sound like a person who wants to win the scholarship to become a long staying tourist in the country. Everything has to come full circle to your academic development.
Hi Nicky, I don't think you need to explain about the economy. You only have 2000 characters limit and there are so much more to say, so do scrap the 1st paragraph. Instead you might want to talk more about your own background. Why have you decided to help the government in the area you proposed, while there are many other choices, for example starting your own company to create jobs? If you have prior experience in the area you might want to mention it shortly.
Also you might want to talk more about the university choices. You might want to allocate 33% of your essay talking about background, another 33% talking about the first university choice, and last 33% talking about second university choice.
Hi Nicky, because of the limited characters in this essay, you have to use them wisely. Instead, explain the ranking, better tell more about your background, your future goals, and its correlation with the chosen course.
I wish you tons of luck with your application.
Hi Nicky. My advice would be that you need to elaborate more about your proposed institution. You need to explain about the programme that you want to take in the university of your choice and the reason, not simply just because it's "one of the largest and prestigious universities in Australia". And I would also advise you to choose another university that provides programme suitable to your proposed course.