I choose Subsea Engineering at the Curtin University, because...

Dear Friends,

My name is Nurul, currently, I am preparing for my scholarship submission. Following that, could you please help me to review my essay such as the grammatical, contain etc?

Thank you in advance :)

Question :
How did you choose your proposed course and institution*? (2000 character)

Answer:

the deepwater solutions which interest me so much

There are three major things that attract me to learn about the Subsea Engineering course. Firstly, I graduated from Institute of Technology Sepuluh Nopember (ITS), majoring Naval Architect and Marine Engineering as a scholar awardee which is fully funded by Indonesia Port and Maritime Government Company during my Bachelor degree. After graduated, I work at oil and gas company for almost 4 years as Subsea Engineer, my worked experiences confirmed my intention to develop my knowledge and skill in Subsea Engineering as the need for deeper understanding in the philosophy of Subsea Engineering as well as the way to manage the systems. This is highly required in every single subsea project development especially for those who work as a project engineer which is one of my dreams in the future. Secondly, this course will enable me to build an international network as my intangible asset, by gathering with colleagues and lecturers, while studying in Australia especially with the people in oil and gas business field will becomes an advantage for future collaboration between Indonesia and other institution around the globe to develop subsea issue in practical or academic term. Lastly, Indonesia government really put attention to oil and gas exploration. Today, oil and gas explorations in shallow water has about to reach its end, as there are only few more shallow water fields left to be explored. Consequently, expansion to deeper water fields is necessary, in which has been tried and succeeded for the last few decades. Subsea production system is one of the deepwater solutions which interest me so much as it is the most effective way to deal with deepwater oil and gas exploration and production compared to the other systems. Furthermore, I choose Subsea Engineering at the Curtin University, because Curtin University recognised as the global Centre of Excellence for Subsea development and operations, it has a larger concentration of Subsea companies in the world.

Nurul, there needs to be an equal discussion coverage of both the reasons why you chose to enroll in this course, as well as the reasons why you chose this university to study in. Reduce the information about your education. Focus the discussion your professional reasons for study. This will be the criteria that made you decide to enroll in the given course. Ensure that you represent the actual reasons and not just generic indicators such as "future plans". The criteria needs to be based on an immediate need that you hope to resolve or respond to once you return to Indonesia after completing the course. The reason why you chose the university cannot be a one liner that says you chose the university based upon its ranking. You are not choosing a shirt to wear here. You are choosing a place where you hope to grow intellectually, morally, and socially. So you need to come up with better reasons for opting for this university other than "it ranks number 35 worldwide". Tell us what it is about the academic offering and training that the university course offers you which you cannot find in other Australian universities or universities in your country. What made this university stand out for you?