Why I've chosen these universities as my preferred universities? Study plan for scholarship

I would extremely grateful if anyone reviews my study plan for my career in the gks scholarship. Thanks for your time in advance.

Study plan for korean government scholarship

Please state the reason you choose such universities and departments (or majors), your academic goals, specific plans (including timeline) to achieve them, and future plan after completion of your study. In case that preferred departments (or majors) of the preferred universities are different, please mention about them separately.)

I have a fascination with the fact that mechanical engineers have changed the course of humanity countless times by solving the problems that have been holding us back by creating something as simple as the wheel or as complicated as the airplane. This is one of the reasons on why I'm certain that mechanical engineer is my passion.

I've chosen the iconic X1X2X3 universities as my preferred universities.X1 University, X2 University, and X3 University are acknowledged as the top between Korean universities and they also all have distinguished mechanical engineering courses. These universities also provide an ample quantity of co-curricular activities/institutes/groups and research institutes that can enhance my studies. I would also have superior internship opportunities. My choice of universities match my ambitious nature and will bring me great support on gaining the knowledge and connections to have a fulfilling study and future work life.

I have planned achievable and result-focused goals for my years coursing in mechanical engineering. During these years, my most important goal is to have remarkable grades which is to be expected of a student funded by the Korean government. Like I did in high school, I will join different cultural and career-related clubs and take part in volunteer activities such as X1 University Rural Voluntary Service or join X University's Social Service Organization. I will be researching in-depth about different branches of mechanical engineering that have the most demand and are the most interesting. Completing an engineering internship will be one of my first concerns. Finally, I will create a social network with friends and the faculty to create connections that can beneficial.

During my first year of university, I will put a lot of effort into becoming familiar with the life of a university student. I'll be joining any club of my interest and commit to it. I'll also make it a priority to form a social network of friends both foreign and Korean to help me with the familiarization process. In this year, I will start to start putting steps into real engineering and come up with a solid research topic.

During my second year of university, I'd look to volunteer/work in the research institutes of my university. Working or volunteering will allow me to explore my career direction. For the moment, I have an interest in X2 University's Thermal Engineering in Manufacturing Process Laboratory, X2 University's Robotics Group and X3 University's Center for Optically-Assisted Ultra High-Precision Mechanical System. I'll also be attending my clubs and putting some time for volunteer work.

During my third year of university, I will be engrossed in research and projects. At this point, I'll be deciding what exact branch or area of mechanical engineering I will head to in the future. These can be the manufacturing, energy or nanotechnology branches. By the end of the year, I will apply to do a summer internship and in preference in a place where I can work on the branch of my interest.

Finally, my fourth year of university will be my final chance to make my hard work worth the effort. I hope I'll have work experience and knowledge in a branch of mechanical engineering of my interest gained from the summer internship to help me with the fourth year curriculum. The fourth-year having the most variety of courses and electives will be the most crucial year for me as a student. With my new knowledge and a clearer path, I'll pick the electives that best match the direction I'm heading to and make me become a first-rate engineer.

My years as a university student will be filled with work and an intense pressure but I'm confident that my ambition and yearning for knowledge will allow me to succeed as a prominent student. I will not put my effort with no aim, as I will strategically shape my course in a way that I can learn in-depth both theoretically and practically. All with the ultimate purpose of my future plans.

Following my bachelor's degree, I will hopefully stay and work in South Korea. I will make it a priority to get a job in a company that already has some influence or has the potential to expand their market into the Dominican Republic. Companies such as Korea Electric Power (KEPCO) are gaining ground in my country and many Korean brands such as Samsung and Hyundai already dominate their own market. Working in these companies or similar ones would be ideal. I will become an engineer from a distinguished Korean University that can speak Korean, English, and Spanish and be of great help to the economic relationships of Central-American and Caribbean countries with South Korea. In the distant future, I will do my master's degree to specialize in a branch of mechanical engineering that will shape the future.

Paul, this is a well written essay. However, you have included a social aspect to the presentation which is not required by the prompt. You should remove those references since the focus of the paper is totally on your academic plans and goals while studying in Korea. If the social aspect were required, then it would have been included in the prompt instructions. That presentation deviates from your strong academic presentation, which is another reason to remove it. Since it is located in the middle of the essay, it diverts the attention of the reviewer, who will then have to go over your presentation again to recall what the academically relevant information is. Without that deviation the essay is much more informative, relevant, and interesting to read. As long as you have provided the response to all of the questions, there isn't anything else that you need to present in the document. Good job. Remove the irrelevant part as I indicated then use the essay with confidence.