This essay could get me a full ride!!!! I've had crippling anxiety over writing it so I'm just now facing the facts and getting it over with. I have until midnight tomorrow to make revisions! Its only 410 words instead of 500 so how could i appropriately add more words?! I'm afraid of sounding too cliche but i'm afraid I might be too broad.
City of Refuge (COR) leaders ; Antioch C - inquiry, work,community
Is this too long-winded? I need help!!
Today and tomorrow's pressing issues will not be solved by a single neurosurgeon, or a world class engineer but through the work of communities. After the earthquake in Haiti, help rebuilding and restoring came not only from individual Haitians, but also the UK- based Shelter box, and the American Red Cross. The issues soon discarded by the media, ones like freedom from oppression, racism, and sexism, that invade all cultures, will require the collaboration of nations, but I believe such change starts when one person's inquiry turns into a passion and inspires others.
With my first year accomplished, the time for choosing next years classes arrived. Upon scavenging through the course catalog I ran through the listings of the Social Sciences to find Global Studies. Due my to experience with World History and past preparatory classes too easily conquered, Global Studies' lure of culture-rich and accelerated learning excited me and I have not since taken a class I did not see as a similar challenge, resulting in Art History AP which studies art from the ancient Egyptians to Dadaism, and Global Literature, which studies writings and works created by places and ideas not American. In December, 2009 Global Studies left me packed with knowledge on the specific global impacts of swine flu, the 2008 recession, and Iranian protests, but more importantly my passion for learning had neither abated nor ebbed, inciting me to search for new opportunities to apply and increase my newfound love of knowledge.
In June of 2010, I applied my passion towards working with the City of Refuge Children's Home in Content Gap, Jamaica. This cemented the lessons I learned more firmly than any amount of teaching could. In Jamaica I, along with 26 others, met with City of Refuge (COR) leaders to lay the foundations for a new school, providing a safe, versatile meeting place for all children, in COR or not. COR provides medical help and resources to the community of Content Gap along with providing for some of Jamaica's 12,000, and growing, population of orphaned children. Before me, firsthand, was the manifestation of cultural differences, similarities, depravities, and wonders. The Jamaica presented to tourists is amenity-filled and problem free in contrast to the Jamaica that is reality to 90% of its population, where happiness, like respect, is created, not given. In that Jamaica, I earned respect by persevering against the heat and the mosquitoes, matching pace with the best, and encouraging others who had fallen, sometimes quite literally as we transported more than 100 shafts of bamboo up an incline to serve as supports, reducing the overall need for 2x4's. The unifying theme of the project was reduce, so to provide for more and on the last day we celebrated the cause that brought us together and the far-reaching effect our groups will have on influencing others.
Through my experiences I have come to appreciate the interdependence these three terms, inquiry, work, and community, have in societies and college essays alike. The initial formation of this essay required an interest and curiosity into Antioch's mission, work to determine the effect Antioch could enact on me and the effect I can produce in Antioch. Furthermore, this essay, and to a larger extent me, would not be the same without the experiences I have shared in the communities I have belonged in.
Today and tomorrow's pressing issues will not be solved by a single neurosurgeon, or a world class engineer but through the work of communities.
Pressing issues of today and tomorrow cannot be solved by just individuals even they are world class professionals. Effective solutions need sound community programs.With my first year accomplished, the time for choosing next years classes arrived.
.... This sounds a bit abrupt. What do you mean by "my first year accomplished" ? I feel you need to rephrase this and a little bit more descriptive.
Due my to experience with World History and past preparatory classes too easily conquered, Global Studies' lure of culture-rich and accelerated learning excited me and I have not since taken a class I did not see as a similar challenge, resulting in Art History AP which studies art from the ancient Egyptians to Dadaism, and Global Literature, which studies writings and works created by places and ideas not American.
Hey... this is pretty too long.... It's really a task for the reader to keep things mind as to have a link of what you are saying. Try to break this up to a few sentences and get your ides to flow smoothly.
In June of 2010, I applied my passion towards working with the City of Refuge Children's Home in Content Gap, Jamaica.This cementedmade me absorb the lessons I learned more firmly than any amount of great teaching could do .
My suggestion;
In June 2010, I passionately got involved the work of City of Refuge Children's Home in Content Gap, Jamaica. This gave me the opportunity to bring everything I leaned in the classroom into application in a practical scenario.Thank you Dumi!
Here's the prompt: Submit an essay of at least 500 words that answers the following prompt: Through a distinctive integration of academic study, real-world work, and community participation, Antioch College graduates become change-agents for some of the world's most pressing issues. Please submit an essay of approximately 500 words using the following prompt to develop your ideas: Inquiry, Work, Community.
Here are some of the alterations I made that I am unsure of
Before me was the manifestation of cultural differences, similarities, depravities, and wonders . Should i keep this in here?
In that Jamaica, ....
In the amenity-free an problem-filled Jamaica, I earned respect when I volunteered to grab a shovel and join others mixing cement on the floor, a process demonstrating how far away from modern conveniences we were. As we transported more than 100 shafts of bamboo up an incline to serve as foundation supports, it was a group effort encouraging each other, while we reduced the overall need for relatively expensive 2x4's. What emerged as our unifying theme exemplified efficiency and sacrifice which allowed us to provide for more. As we poured the last bucket of cement we had mixed by hand, our group was blanketed with unity and accomplishment.I realized I shouldnt write an essay about an essay.
I switched it out for this
Inquiry, work, community: three terms embraced by my altruism that summer now yearns within me for the next endeavor.Should I attach that at the end of the last para or make it my concluding para?
