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From civil engineering to a marketing major - Korean government scholarship


fazlianarisam 1 / -  
Sep 21, 2019   #1
I am applying for a korean government scholarship and I need help with my personal statement essay.
-Motivation with which you apply for this program.
-Family and education background.
-Significant experience you have had; risks you have taken and achievement you have made.
-Extracurricular activities such as club activities, community service activities or work experience
-Describe awards you have received.


what it's like to be an entrepreneur?



To be honest, I never had any career goals or something I want to be when I grow up. Maybe that was the reason why I still enrolled into technical school, majoring in civil engineering even though I had no interest for it at all. Until one fine Saturday morning, my best friend invited me to have a lunch with her mother. Since I have nothing planned that day, I agreed to join her and her mother for a lunch. While we were eating lunch, I asked her mother, who is a successful entrepreneur, "What it's like to be an entrepreneur, aunty?" With a smile, she answered my questions, describing what it's like to be an entrepreneur. And that was the first time in my life, I heard something so intriguing and also, for the first time in my life, I have a motivation to become something in the future. My heart desires to become a successful entrepreneur. That feeling, it was something new. I never felt it before. So, the next Monday, I went to meet my counseling teacher to talk about this and to ask for her advices. We did a few career tests and the results of those tests were all leading to entrepreneurship. So after I graduated from school, I managed to enroll into one of the local universities in Malaysia to further my study in Diploma in Marketing and that was the best thing that ever happened to me. I enjoyed being a student in this major so much. And thanks to this enjoyment, I successfully graduated from Diploma in Marketing with a good CGPA. And I can say that my desire to become a successful entrepreneur and the enjoyment I felt during my days as a student in Marketing major is what motivated me to apply for this program. I always believe that someone's desires and interests in something is the biggest factor that could help to motivate that person in achieving or pursuing something. In addition, the reason why I choose South Korea as the destination where I want to further my study is because as we all know, South Korea is one of the four 'Asian Tiger' countries, which means it has developed into a high-income economy or a developed country. As a forward thinker who hopes to make a difference in the business industry in Malaysia, I personally believe that furthering my study in South Korea can help me to achieve this dream.

I grew up in a happy family. For me, everything is perfect. Even though my father has passed away when I was still a kid, my mother did her best to make sure me and my 3 older siblings never felt incomplete in any aspect while growing up. Even though I do not have many memories with my father since he passed away when I was still a kid, I know a fact that he was a very loving father. He worked as a fireman when he was still alive. My mother, on the other hand, is a housewife. After my father passed away, our family's monthly income is my father's pension money that he left for us. It is not much but none of us felt incomplete in any aspect thanks to the unconditional love given by our mother to us. She always makes sure that all of us receive the best education and support we need. And that helps my 3 older siblings become successful people they are today. My first sister is now working as an auxiliary policewoman while my second brother is now working as an officer at government office in Immigration Department. Meanwhile my third sister is now working in Human Resources Department at Hino Motors Manufacturing Sdn Bhd.

I graduated from elementary school near my house in 2011 with a result of 5As in UPSR examination. The next year, I went to an Islamic boarding school to further my study for 3 years and then in 2015, I enrolled as a student in a technical school to complete my high school study. I graduated high school in 2016, in Civil Engineering major, with a 4As, 3B+s, 1B, 1C+ and 1C result for my SPM examination. And soon, after I graduated high school, I enrolled as a diploma student majoring in Marketing at Universiti Sultan Zainal Abidin and after two years, I successfully graduated with a 3.56 CGPA result.

Changing my path from a civil engineering major student to a marketing major student was not an easy decision to make. It was one of the biggest risks I have taken in my life. It is a lie if I say I'm not worried or scared about it. 'What if I've made a wrong decision?' is what hovering in my mind everyday when I first enrolled as a Marketing major student. The thought of 'What if I couldn't succeed?" never left my mind. But, I know that I am someone who can do well as long as I'm given a chance to prove it. I know that I can and will graduate with a good CGPA if I keep trying and with that spirit in mind, I successfully graduated from my diploma study with a good CGPA. It is one of the biggest risks I have taken in my life but also one of the biggest achievements I have made in my life and I couldn't be any prouder about it.

During my study at Universiti Sultan Zainal Abidin, I was given many chances to involve myself in extracurricular activities. Once, I was given a chance to become a Mathematics facilitator for elementary school students. I took the chance as I felt that was the least thing I could do to help improving my country in aspect of education. I've given a chance to tutor two intelligent 9 years old boys who couldn't afford extra tuition for Mathematics. I also have been given a chance to participate as a handball player for a faculty sport event for two years in a row. It was a very fun and memorable experience to work as a team with my classmates outside of the classroom. And I wish to participate in more extracurricular activities in the future especially those community services activities.

One of the most memorable things that I've experienced during my diploma study was when I successfully became a dean's list awardee. I've successfully received this award for 4 semesters out of 6 semesters that I've taken at University Sultan Zainal Abidin. Nothing can top how happy I felt when I received those awards. And I wish to continue making memorable yet successful journey in the future.
Maria - / 1,098 389  
Sep 21, 2019   #2
@fazlianarisam
Hey, welcome. I hope that whatever feedback you see here would be beneficial for your writing endeavors. Don't be afraid to hit us up for more information on your writing. We'd love for you to be a consistent part of the forum.

First and foremost, the initial parts of the essay lacked structure. Remember that adding that intensity factor to your writing should not be solely limited to writing without ease. Remember that it is critical for you to have substantiated this writing with a lot more value and dedication. From the get-go, your first or introductory paragraph lacked that dedicated dynamism. Notice how you needed to take it step-by-step instead of having a cluster or chunk of text here.

Furthermore, adding a randomized quotation to add flair in between of all of this critical information is not necessarily something that is given emphasis to. If you can, try to focus more on adding substantive information rather than blabbering about certain topics that are out of the focal point of your writing.


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