This is for my college scholarship statement. The prompt is: We are interested in learning more about you and the context in which you have grown up, formed your aspirations and accomplished your academic successes. Please describe the factors and challenges that have most shaped your personal life and aspirations. How have these factors caused you to grow? Please let me know what I should add, take out, fix. I greatly appreciate it.
I was born into a family of strict, traditional, Catholic intellectuals in Saigon, Vietnam. My parents were both engineers and leaders in their companies and my aunts and uncles were teachers in the top schools in the city. I was raised on books and the Asian doctrine that education is the only way to success. Being an only child, I was spoiled and pampered, protected in a glass bubble. I did everything that was asked of me, getting straight A's and ranking first in all my classes. In return, my parents took care of me, teaching me and buying me the very best clothes and toys. I lived a very happy life.
Shortly before my eighth birthday however, life as I knew it drastically changed. On March 17, 2001, my parents decided to move the family to America, halfway across the globe. At first, I was excited and looking forward to a new life. However, by the end of my first week, whatever anticipation I had had quickly turned to resentment.
I started school as soon as I arrived at the end of second grade. I didn't know any English, I had no friends, and I was constantly picked on for the way I dressed and talked. I could not complete any of my schoolwork because I didn't understand anything. Every day my teacher would return papers with the word "COPIED" stamped across the top. I was so ashamed of myself. Worse, I was lonely and overwhelmed, and I felt so utterly lost.
Meanwhile at home my parents were pushing me to learn English, bringing home worksheets and books from their ESL classes to teach me. My shame became my source of motivation, forcing me to work and relearn the basics until I mastered the language. As I began to grasp the mechanics of English, I made friends and my school life greatly improved. With my parents' encouragement and my own perseverance, within a year, by the end of third grade, I was getting straight A's and even surpassing many of my classmates. In 5th grade, I entered the Gifted and Talented Education program which I stayed with for two years. From that day on, the language barrier became nonexistent.
Looking back now, I fully appreciate everything that my parents did for me those first few months. While I was struggling to learn a language and to fit in, my parents were working even harder to learn a new lifestyle and to assimilate to a country whose values and culture are so drastically different from their own. For them, their entire lives were in Vietnam. They had grown up in that land, established successful careers, and made a name for themselves. In moving to America, they gave all that up in the hopes that I, their only child at the time, would have a chance at a better life. Both my parents were attending school and my dad was working late shifts to provide for the family. They sacrificed so much for me and even now, with my brother added to the family, they continue to put aside their own interests and wants, to provide for the two of us. They allow me to live the life of comfort that I do today.
From my parents, I have learned the meaning of hard work, integrity, and compassion. I truly believe that my drive, determination, and dedication in everything I do come from them, because I see it in them every single day. I respect my parents tremendously and I work hard to become successful to repay them for all they've done. Of course, our relationship is not perfect. I am always frustrated and angry with their unreasonably high expectations, their endless comparisons, and overbearing protectiveness. However, I have learned to fuel that anger into motivation to try harder and prove to them that I am good enough.
Today, I work for my dreams, to become a world-class neurosurgeon and cancer researcher, to provide for myself as an independent woman, and to travel the world and get lost in the chaos of busy cities. I work to give back to my family, to my friends, to my community, and to America, all of which have made me the person I am. I want to leave my mark on this world, to make a name for myself, and to become a somebody. Jack Nicholson in The Departed once said, "I don't want to be a product of my environment. I want my environment to be a product of me." I am out to change the world and I hope to find a place where I will not only belong, but also be able to make a difference.
I was born into a family of strict, traditional, Catholic intellectuals in Saigon, Vietnam. My parents were both engineers and leaders in their companies and my aunts and uncles were teachers in the top schools in the city. their fields. That engendered certain expectations from me. I was raised on books and the Asian doctrine that education is the only way to success. As the only child, I was spoiled and pampered, protected in a glass bubble. I did everything that was asked of me; getting straight A's and ranking first in all my classes. In return, my parents took care of me, teaching me and buying me the very best clothes and toys. I lived a very happy life.
Shortly before my eighth birthday however, life as I knew it drastically changed. On March 17, 2001, my parents decided to move the family to America, halfway across the globe. At first, I was excited and was looking forward to a new life. However, by the end of my first week, whatever anticipation I had had quickly turned into resentment.
I started school as soon as I arrived at the end of second grade. I didn't know any English, I had no friends, and I was constantly picked on for the way I dressed and talked. I could not complete any of my schoolwork because I didn't understand anything. Every day my teacher would return papers with the word "COPIED" stamped across the top. I was so ashamed of myself. Worse, I was lonely and overwhelmed, and I felt so utterly lost.
Meanwhile at home my parents were pushing me to learn English, bringing home worksheets and books from their ESL classes to teach me. My shame became my source of motivation, forcing me to work and relearn the basics until I mastered the language. As I began to grasp the mechanics of English, I made friends and my school life greatly improved. With my parents' encouragement and my own perseverance, within a year, by the end of third grade, I was getting straight A's and even surpassing many of my classmates. In 5th grade, I entered the Gifted and Talented Education program which I stayed with for two years. From that day on, the language barrier became nonexistent.
Looking back now, I fully appreciate everything that my parents did for me those first few months. While I was struggling to learn a language and to fit in, my parents were working even harder to learn a new lifestyle and to assimilate to a country whose values and culture are were so drastically different from their own. For them, their entire lives were in Vietnam. They had grown up in that land, established successful careers, and made a name for themselves. In moving to America, they gave all that up in the hopes that I, their only child at the time, would have a chance at a better life. Both my parents were attending school and my dad was working late shifts to provide for the family. They sacrificed so much for me and even now, with my brother added to the family, they continue to put aside their own interests and wants, to provide for the two of us. They allow me to live the life of comfort that I do today.
From my parents, I have learned the true meaning of hard work, integrity, and compassion. I truly believe that my drive, determination, and dedication in everything I do come from them, because I see it in them every single day. I respect my parents tremendously and I work hard to become successful to repay them for all they've done. Of course, our relationship is not perfect. I am always used to be frustrated and angry with their unreasonably high expectations, their endless comparisons, and overbearing protectiveness. However, But, now, I have learned to fuel that anger into motivation to motivate myself to try harder and prove to them that I am good enough.
Today, I work for my dreams, to become a world-class neurosurgeon and cancer researcher, to provide for myself as an independent woman, and to travel the world and get lost in the chaos of busy cities. I work to give back to my family, to my friends, to my community, and to America, all of which have made me the person I am. I want to leave my mark on this world, to make a name for myself, and to become a somebody. Jack Nicholson in The Departed once said, "I don't want to be a product of my environment. I want my environment to be a product of me." I am out to change the world and I hope to find a place where I will not only belong, but also be able to make a difference.
Well, I think I arrive too late but anyways I also checked you work and I'm agree with random123 correction
C u
You used 'however' 2 times a little too close to each other so it seems repetitive. Maybe change one of them to 'but.'
Do not start a new paragraph after 'resentment.'
I was so ashamed of myself. Worse, I was lonely and overwhelmed, and I felt so utterly lost.---- wow, you went from being a top student to having the paper stamped "COPIED?"
That must have been so terrible! Well, now you know that different settings will give you different kinds of life, and when a setting makes you suffer it's necessary to be strategic and fix your situation. I hope you find a setting that makes it easy for you to do your work, because you seem to have an excellent way of thinking.
Hey, I agree with Sanjay's idea to cross out 'truly.' It is a stronger sentence without that word. Without that word, it is matter-of-fact.
