I come from a home full of love, morals, and education. Self Introduction - KGSP Scholarship

Hello House,

Please I would like help with my Scholarship Self Intro letter. I think that I have written too much as only a page is required so I would like help or suggestion on where I could delete or make adjustment.

Thanks in advance for taking the time out for this.

Finding oneself

I come from a home full and time of love, morals, and education held in high regards. My father being a lecturer pushed us to empower ourselves with knowledge because of he, like many sayings, believes 'Knowledge is strength'. My mother, a graduatant of accounting is a humble, honest, hard working, and a responsible woman. My root as I call my home now secured me firmly.

As a boarding college student, I worked hard and always took home a good result from my time in boarding school. To have followed my parent's footsteps is such a blessing. Looking back now I have fond memories of being called a responsible child. Putting others first before myself was/is when I am the happiest. One of many occasions, I would ensure my siblings had snacks/ or food to eat before myself even preparing such food with the money I saved from my pocket money without being told to. I owe it all to my parent's, and loved ones who pushed me harder and encouraged me to be the better person I am today. They gave me all I needed to achieve my dream to become an accountant. Greenwich University in London, England was among top universities in accounting at the time of my studies and graduating with Second Class Lower in June 2011 I got a reward for my efforts though I was sad to know that I missed out on attaining Second class Upper by 20% or 2 points.

Everything was different for me when I was given the opportunity to study in the UK. My big ambiguous dream was and still is to be a useful person, however little to my family and parents whose supports is to a very large family.

I am reminded of the Korean drama Cheongdang - dom Alice. Achieving one's success and dream is likened to "Effort is my Strength", thus;

"Life is like a recipe book". If you follow the recipe and faithfully follow the instructions for combining ingredients, you would surely succeed".
My friends and aunt would ask me how it was that I was able to work and study at the same time. The fact was that I would work and have a few hours sleep before going to school. It was hard workbe, I worked hard. In fact, I considered it such an opportunity I didn't think of the tiredness I felt after many long shifts. This way, I got to know my strength.

Aside from my university career, I participated in extracurricular activities. I was not only part of the administration staff welcoming new students to the university, I was also on the Award Ceremony every day including representing the university as an Ambassador. I was able to broaden my communication, organizational, and presentation skills while attaining the ability to relate to people from different multicultural background. The experiences I now consider irreplaceable. I had work outside the University too, including my work for popular Football clubs such as Arsenal amongst working for Chelsea, Fulham, Wembley - the national football stadium, and the Oval Cricket ground. I can not stress how excited and happy I still feel the memories around me like trophies and a smile that says it all. The best times of my life, it peaked my love for Sports and a curiosity to want to explore more about all things beautiful in life.

After my degree, I furthered my career in MSC banking and finance and later enrolling to have in the professional ACCA. I was opportuned to work as an Education Administrator at Bellerbys college, also as an accountant in a newly established but yet sophisticated organization that works in line with the Nigeria Immigration Service in the UK. In the two years before my National Youth Service Corps - a service carried out by all citizens, I was able to put into practice the theoretical aspect of my education to good use; balancing outflow and inflow, invoicing, bills and salary payment including general administrative work. Call center assistance, front desk inquiries, clerk, and overtime if needed to achieve the organization's set goal.

I heard of change of university and Exchange programs too late, not because I was not provided with many experiences in the UK but because I wanted a change of environment, new experiences, and challenges hence my Ph.D. and it could not come at a time when my interest in Korea and her culture has a place in my heart.

Korea candid culture, her people, and her beauty captured my heart while I was in London. I can safely say I am one of those Hallyu fans that appreciate the lifestyle of Koreans as depicted in Dramas, news and from events hosted and attended through the Korean Cultural Center, Abuja, Nigeria. My interest in exploring & expanding the culture is shown in my current intermediate level of learning the Korean language at the Study Center in Abuja. I was also a member of the Korean Cultural center in the UK and members of my family have come to also have an interest in the Korean language. Better yet at the beginner's level last year August, I won the Korean Speech contest held. Having seen her popularity in technology, architectural and business industries, I believe South Korea is the perfect destination for my further studies. The universities have chosen preludes history, international recognition and its welcoming aura inviting and my expectation and dream will no doubt be fulfilled to become the person I dream to be. For me, my Ph.D. study in Korea would be like a recipe book as mentioned above. Korea will guide me to the better person I desire to become tomorrow having the support and kindness and love of my family/home. My Ph.D. will fill a gap being already established in accounting.

It gives me great pleasure to serve my nation. I showed I am committed as I recently served my country through the service - National Youth Service Corp (NYSC). A bespoke service I enjoyed it thoroughly. Waking up as early as three am as summed by the soldiers, eating whatever was given, obeying rules and regulation set out and participating in activities and the fun part of socializing. I am a shy or quiet one but did I let it all go serving my country. I participated and represented my group in Volleyball, cultural dance, cooking competition and wherever else as it was needed. An encouragement to myself and team too, for the many who did not want to partake.

The Czech Proverb 'Learn a new language and get a new soul', is the very essence and reason I want to do my Ph.D. in Korea. Exposed and after I have learned and developed well, a true beauty I will share my beauty with Korea and the world. I am diligent and able to do this. Finding oneself is a good way to live. Bertha Gonzalez Nieves is a Mexican entrepreneur and she said 'I see [work travel] as a lifestyle' and I akin myself to this way of life.

I have gone places, and each time I visit a new place I feel my home is anywhere I make it to be. And as such, the freedom of these roots helps me to branch into new territories.

Patience, do me a favor and use a dictionary and thesaurus when you revise this essay. Use only words that are in the English language, do not make them up as you did in some instances in this essay. There is no such word as graduatant. The correct term is "graduate".

Remember when I told you not to use Grammarly because it was changing the essence of your poems? Remember that I said it only works for formal documents? Guess what? You now have your chance to use Grammarly to your heart's content. Write the essay in your native language this time and use Grammarly to translate it. I think the software will be able to help you tremendously this time around.

I need you to focus on specific discussions when you revise this essay. I will give you an outline to discuss specific topics, per paragraph. Follow it. Make sure you deliver the prompt requirements in chronological order. That means, in the order that I will be assigning the discussion to you in the outline.

1. Family background, your parents jobs, their influence on you in relation to your point of view about life and how they inspired your dreams and aspirations for your future.

2. Educational background. Focus on college. Explain how you qualified to study in the UK. Was this on a scholarship? What was your major? How does your work for the football clubs relate to that?

3. Professional experience. Where you worked or are working now. What your position is. What the duties are. How did this experience help you realize that you need additional training by taking a masters course? What circumstances motivated your desire to enroll in the masters course? Please clarify the course title, I can't really figure it out based upon what you have written.

4. Leaving out the discussion about your mandatory military service, what would you say are the reasons that you decided to study in Korea? What did you base this decision upon? Relate the reason to the Korean educational system and culture. Or base it upon the requirements of your masters degree that you feel studying in Korea can best service.

It is really hard to follow the discussion in your essay because you are jumping from one topic to another without relating them. So I need you to focus on representing your discussion using the outline I provided. This will help you fall into the required information presentation for the letter. Write in your vernacular this time and use Grammarly to translate it to English, I would like to see what kind of results the software will deliver and if it will be at the proper academic level of writing. Good luck!

@Holt

Thanks for the help. I have revised and have this new version although I feel it is too long.

I appreciate your help!

Finding oneself

I come from a home full of love, morals, and education held in high regards. My father a former lecturer and farmer studied political science is a hard working and caring person while my mom also a hard worker, humble and responsible farmer and a graduate holder of an accounting degree pushed me and my siblings to empower ourselves with knowledge because they would say 'Knowledge is strength'.

To have followed my parent's footsteps is such a blessing. They gave me all I needed to achieve my dream to become an accountant. (...)

Hello,
I may be wrong, but i thing it is better to leave one quotation.
Or you may write by your own words, how you intapritation it from your experience. :)

You have focused too much on your parents this time around. See how I indicated that each section should only have one paragraph dedicated to the discussion? Once again, you failed to understand and follow simple instructions. You over discussed all of the elements that I presented in the essay. While Grammarly did a decent job, the problem now lies in the way that you decided to write a creative essay instead of an academic essay. Go back and review the essay based upon the instructions that I gave you. Edit the content to reflect only the most important information as per the indicated requirements. I will not do that for you because the essay is too long and it will require the condensing of most information in multiple paragraphs into a single paragraph. Only you can do that. How will you know if you are anywhere near what you have been instructed to do? When your essay fills a single page, font size 10 at Times New Roman font, there is a very good possibility that you have done exactly that.