Commonwealth Scholarship-Msc Pollution and environmental Control

Hi am applying for the MPEC program in University of Manchester via the commonwealth scholarship and need suggestions to my starting paragraph.
I am suppossed to write an autobiography with the questions in mind: Why I want to study the course? and How will the course improve my personal development.

The sight of the towering heap of waste smouldering away into the evening and the heavy stench from decaying refuse as I and my elder brother walked pass the local dump on our way home from church after the children's day rehearsals angered me. I never really understood why the 'iron boxes' which I now know to be incinerators were never used. Even at the young age of eight, I had been an advocate for proper waste disposal because I hated smoke as it worried my eyes. What intrigued my young mind then was where these wastes were moved to.

My father says that I have always been inquisitive and that of all his children, I am the most conscientious, intelligent, and resourceful. My mother on the other hand wished I was a female as I am the most domestic of my siblings.

Considering my birth, two words suffice: fate and purpose. My mother had barely survived after she had my elder brother and the doctor had advised against another pregnancy as it could mean death of either mother or child or both. My parents however always wanted six children as their original fifth and sixth children had died when tender. Despite the doctor's warning, my mother conceived again but miraculously, we survived after my birth.

The luxuries of life had fast faded from my home when I was born and contrary to the belief that last children were most pampered, I had at an early age learnt to fend for myself. Undaunted by the obvious, I aspired to be among the best in everything I do.

Financial hardship never deterred me from achieving my dream of having a university education. Following several missed opportunities to get into the university due to our indigence, I established a call centre from which I saved enough to pay my tuition after I gained admission to study biochemistry. I took up menial jobs to augment family support during vacations to support myself financially. This has made me more responsible and resilient.

The sight was of the towering heap of waste smouldering away into the evening, and thereleasing a heavy stench from decaying refuse. I felt angryasI and my elder brother and I walked pass the local dump on our way home.We often passed it after we leftfrom church, where we hadafter the children's day rehearsals.angered me . I never really understood why the 'iron boxes' which I now know to be incinerators were never used. Even at the young age of eight, I had beenwas an advocate for proper waste disposal, because I hated the smoke as it worriedbothered my eyes. What intriguedMy young mind pondered:then was where did they move the waste to these wastes were moved to.after it was dumped?

You should strengthen your conclusion, and consolidate your paragraphs to make them easier to read and appear better on paper. Nice work, and a great topic, very interesting!

Thank you Jenny. I work on it and re-post.