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Communication and leadership skills by joining social organization activities - Chevening essay


Chevening is looking for individuals who will be future leaders or influencers in their home countries. Explain how you meet this requirement, using clear examples of your own leadership and influencing skills to support your answer.

(minimum word count: 100 words, maximum word count: 500 words)


Please help me correcting my application
Thank you

MASTER SCHOLARSHIP APPLICATION



When I was in university, I didn't only spend my time studying but also joining social organization activities such as student board and scout. Those activities helped me to develop communication and leadership skills. Once, I was elected as scout leader for a year period. As an introvert person, this experience really challenged me, however it assisted me to build independence and changed myself in better ways.

After graduated, I was accepted as civil servant and placed in rural area which is thousand kilometers away from my home that is forced me to live by myself. In my first year, I was positioned as health promotion assistant. My main duty was to help senior worker to prepare community empowerment and made report about activities we did. This period developed my capability in dealing with people, building strong relationship with intersectoral, and opened my sight about human behavior related to health issues.

The highest problem in the region was smoker behavior. After I was appointed as health promotion officer, I got insight to initiate an empowerment program is focusing on smoker behavior which smoking inside home even though there was infant. The program called RUTARI ( homes without cigarette for today). The aim is to reduce smoking rate inside home, especially for the households which have infant.

I started to run this program by encouraging my supervisor to support this program and propose my co-workers to help and support. It wasn't an easy task to do, some of them didn't support my idea. I socialized my program to 13 villages, however only 1 village that welcoming it. It made me sad how stake holder didn't care enough about smoking behavior. But I didn't give up. Started from one village and was helped by my co-worker, I advocated the headman and the public figure to support prohibition about smoking inside home especially family with infant, then I continued educating mothers and elementary school's students about danger of cigarette and persuading them to coax their family member who is smoker to stop smoke inside home. Not stopping there, I also develop media to espouse this program which was radio spot that played in waiting room of my health center.

It took a couple of months before start showing the result. Nine months after I started the program, I did survey to know the improvement. The rate of smoker who smoke inside home decreased from 76% in 2015 became 70 % in 2016 and in the 2017 it decreased more became 64% The improvement is not really big but it surely move people to change better. Once I read, the leader isn't the one with position but people who dare to take risks and empower community to get better. I might not have high position but I am willing to learn more becoming good and great leader.

Oct 12, 2017   #2
Diga, do not waste the word count of the essay on the trivial discussion of your college activities that showed your potential as a leader. You should also remove the discussion about your being a health promotion assistant. If you open the essay with those 2 paragraphs, the reviewer will stop reading your application since these do not depict any senior leadership role for yourself. Open instead with the moment when you were assigned as a Health Promotion Officer. That is the point in the essay when you finally assume a large leadership and influencing role and therefore, should be the opening salvo of your essay. That will give that information the opportunity to create a maximum impact in your essay.

Provided your essay does not fall short of the word requirements after the removal of the first 2 paragraphs, you should just focus on correcting your grammar mistakes in the essay. There is no need to ad or remove information as the presentation is already complete. At least, as far as I can tell. Remove the last 2 lines in the last paragraph of your essay. Never belittle your contribution as a leader in this instance because, even though it is not an executive role, you clearly led a program to success and influenced the community members in a hugely positive manner. This is, for all intents and purposes of your application essay, the best presentation of leadership and influencing skills that you could provide.
@Holt

Here is my revision, hope it is what you mean.

After completing my bachelor degree in public health, I was accepted as civil servant and placed in rural area which is thousand kilometers away from my home that is forced me to live by myself. I was assigned as health promotion officer. My main duty is to make people aware about their health issues and educate them proper health knowledge. This job is developing my capability in dealing with people, building strong relationship with intersectoral, and opened my sight about human behavior related to health issues.

Initially, I had to undergo a period of orientation. This period assisted me to know more about the health problem that was faced in the region. The highest problem was smoker behavior. After completing my orientation period, I got insight to initiate an empowerment program which is focusing on smoker behavior. The program called RUTARI ( home without cigarette for today). The aim is to reduce smoking rate inside home, especially for the households which have infant.

I started to run this program by encouraging my supervisor to support this program and propose my co-workers to help and support. It wasn't an easy task to do, some of them didn't support my idea. Therefore, I persuaded my supervisor to give me a chance, my idea was agreed but I must lead the program. I began to socializing my program in 13 villages. However only 1 village that welcoming it. It made me really sad to see how stakeholders didn't care enough about smoking behavior. But I didn't give up.

Helped by my co-worker, I started the program in 1 village. I advocated the headman and the public figure to support prohibition about smoking inside home especially family with infant. It didn't go well at first since smoking is common behavior in the village but after explained that cigarette smoke is very dangerous for mother and child health, they committed to support the program. Then, I continued educating mothers and elementary school's students about danger of cigarette and persuading them to coax their family member who is smoker to stop smoke inside home. Not stopping there, I also develop media to espouse this program which was radio spot that played in waiting room of my health center.

It took a couple of months before start showing the result. Nine months after I started the program, I did survey to know the improvement. The rate of smoker who smoke inside home decreased from 76% in 2015 became 70 % in 2016 and in the 2017 it decreased more became 64% The improvement is not really big but I am willing to learn more becoming health promotion expert to improve public health status.


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