Growing up in a Syrian Christian family I was brought up with values that are more progressive than the ones seen in the other Indian communities. My parents valued diversity in knowledge ever since my childhood and made sure I was learning from different sources on the web, books and TV. Having lived for 17 years in culturally and racially heterogeneous Qatar, I learned to appreciate the various cultures of the world, enabling me to adapt to and learn from diversity. I tried to involve myself in team activities where I can get to interact with as many people from various backgrounds so I can keep learning about people. This interest helped me become an effective leader both in school and at work, proficient in certain extra-curricular activities, such as debating, quizzing, Model UN and online content writing, and involved in community service.
Supervising a team of 25 students and running school events as the Head Boy of my school, taught me how to manage people and resources since a young age. I further developed as a leader when I co-created and managed the Model UN event. Since I handled the marketing, my team promoted the event on online media and in different colleges, spreading word of the event among the Model UN community. I became the chief designer and editor of the conference newsletter, which kept all the participants updated on the developments of the event. Such experiences confirmed that I have the potential to become a manager as I learned to use these experiences in my professional life where I mentor many employees and do quality supervision of a team based in Bangalore.
Besides, I involved myself in community events since my school days as I believe, along with helping the society, one can see the value of people when they do service without looking for personal benefits. I have led my class in school to do mangrove plantation, beach cleanup and water conservation awareness program. This involvement continued in college as I became a member of the National Service Scheme and helped to carry out the plastic free campus initiative. Now when my company started it first CSR initiative 'Samaritan', I became one of the founding members.
Finally, I took up writing long content on the quora.com, which is a blogging and Q&A website. Though I started off writing in a lackluster manner, since the past year the quality of my content became tremendously better. My followers grew by almost 150% since January 2015. Besides in the past three months the total views my content had was around 1 million. Many of my articles went viral, especially my eulogy to a crusader against corruption trended for two days, getting around 13K upvotes and 350K views. Also another article on the defensive capabilities of Switzerland was published on the 'The Independent'.
If admitted to the college, I will bring my dedication to learn, enthusiasm in extracurricular activities, and a diverse experience as displayed in this essay, thus adding a dash of "masala" to the college community
I can help you with your essay.
Paragraph 1: In the first sentence, there needs to be a comma and the past tense needs to be used. Here is the correction: "Growing up in a Syrian Christian family, I was brought up with values that were more progressive..." Place a comma after childhood. You discuss being involved in activities in the latter part of the paragraph. Each time you use the word "can" in this sentence, change it to "could". Ex: The revision will be where I could and so I could.
This entire sentence should be corrected. Here is a suggestion: "This interest helped me become an effective leader both in school and at work. I engaged in certain extra-curricular activities, such as debating, quizzing, Model UN and online content writing, and involved in community service, and was involved in the Model UN program."
Paragraph 2: The first sentence you should end it with "at a young age". This sentence needs to be in the past tense, here is the correction: "Such experiences confirmed that I had the potential to become a manager, as I learned to use these experiences in my professional life where I mentored many employees and do quality supervision of supervised a team based in Bangalore."
Paragraph 3: Change Besides to "Furthermore". Here is another option: "In addition, I involved myself in community events during my school years because I believed, along with helping society, one can only truly value people..." I'm unsure if you want to state "only truly value people" but I wanted to give you that suggestion.
Paragraph 4: This is an interesting first sentence. Good work! Just delete "the" before you state the website. The next sentence change since to "during". Change this sentence: Besides "In the past three months, the total views of my content had was around one million." The next sentence change some of the sentence: "...corruption which trended for two days and received around 13,000 upvotes and 350,000 views..." When you are writing an essay it is better to avoid abbreviations such as 13K.
Paragraph 5: Place a period after community.
I hope this helps you!
