The essay is for APIASF Scholarship. The prompt is: In 500 words or less, please describe how you plan to give back to your community and help fulfill the needs of your community after you've completed your education. How would your plan impact not only your immediate community, but also a broader one?
Right now, my essay is work on progress. I feel like there are many holes to it right now. I need to make the connections with everything, but I simply don't know how to connect my career with it. Give me feedback from a reader's perspective. Help me polish this essay. Please, and Thank you.
The community where I live in right now is notorious for hang violence. Kalihi, a desolate valley in Honolulu where violence and drug trafficking thrives. Stating that you are an inhabitant of this immediately gives you the label of being an abomination. One of my goals is to help this community. After completing my education in Business Management, I will be able to help fulfill the needs of my community in a business manner.
A problem in Kalihi is some areas are unsanitized. When I get into a company, I will propose and organize an employee volunteer day where employees can volunteer to help a community-perhaps cleaning the environment, promoting green practices, or cook for a homeless shelters. Doing this can help the image of my company, and to fulfill their community's needs. Also, other companies would do the same thing and help their own chosen community.
In addition to the unsanitized backgrounds, the youths have talents but are unable to show those talents, A way to let youth show their hidden abilities is to open up academic and artistic programs, such as contests and internships. As I advance my career in Business Management that focuses on Hotel and Tourism, I will be able to understand the significance of youth mentoring.
The kids in Kalihi have impressive talents that are refined through their years, but they don't have the opportunity to use them usefully. However, in my youth empowerment campaign, I will organize a contest that are designed for youths, and the winners will be given the chance to use their ability to entertain guests and tourists in a hotel or in a different program; either way, the winners will have a jump start on their own career. Same idea for the internship, for those who have interest in business, they will be given the opening to further advance their interest; though the qualified interns will actually be able to work and feel business experience. This will benefit the students and company itself. Knowing that the interns from are a notorious community, the social will think that Kalihi isn't that an abomination that all.
Lastly, and most importantly, to help my community's biggest issue-gang violence, as a Businessman, I will start my own non-profit gang resistance organization that goes out to schools and teaches students from Kalihi using ex-cons from that area that violence and gangs are not the right way. And basically, another part of it is to create rehabilitation programs for kids and on the edge of failing school and "at-risk youths." Business won't be my only expertise; when I advance my education, I will also take other social science classes that widen my knowledge and understanding. Money won't be the thing that I'll contribute to my non-profit organization, but my expertise, time, and ambition to make a change. Since Kalihi is notorious, letting an organization cleanses the problem will inspire other communities to do the same thing-to help whatever the community needs.
The question you should be asking yourself is this: What is my chosen career?" Once you have decided upon what your future career will be you will be able to analyze how your career relates to the influences in your community life. By doing so, you will see the clear connection between your career and what you can do for your community and beyond. Don't try to discuss the problems of your community and then try to relate the career to it. Reverse the discussion. Choose the career and then figure out how that career will help you solve your community problems and beyond. I actually did not read what kind of career you plan on pursuing in this version of the essay. I suggest that you lead with that in your next version and then work your way backwards. Sometimes, knowing what you want to be in life is the answer to the question " How can I make a difference in my community?" and "What does my community need help with?". You should be able to better focus your essay if you follow the format I am suggesting.
