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"Computer Science at Voorhees College" an Scholarship/Internship about myself, career


Chigozie 13 / 22 2  
Jan 2, 2011   #1
Question: You are required to attach a 250-350 word essay about yourself and your career goals. Please include why you are interested in WABa description of your academic, personal and professional goals what you would like to learn from an internship experience and what can you contribute to our firm.

Statement Of Intent

I am Victor Chigozie Ogburie, a rising sophomore with a 4.0 CGPA, pursuing Computer Science at Voorhees College. From my early childhood till present times, I have always had a strong passion to learn and to work with technology and this has been the driving force of my decision to pursue a career in the IT field. Since being a freshman, I have faced the reality of the options available in the technology field and with a scrutiny of my passion, personal and entrepreneurship skills; I strive with steadfast determination to become a computer and information system manager.

The IT sector is a constant being reshaped with the increasing technological demands and as a result, requires high skilled professionals willing to embark on challenging and demanding professions. In being a computer and information system manager, my goal is excellence, to leverage my experience and expertise in the field of technology for my clients' benefits. I will aid in implementing and administrating technology services to client based companies, planning, coordinating and directing researches on computer-related activities, and overseeing technical aspects of a firm such as software development, network security and internet operations to reach the firm's goals. In addition, I will assist in developing technical standards, deploying technology and supervising workers who deal with information technology issues of firms.

As an aspiring college student, I strive to achieve set attainable goals and seek avenues to enhance self-development. My utmost priority is to graduate with an outstanding background, technical skills and performance in my discipline through integrating real life applications of technology with classroom theories which is crucial in meeting the demands of my chosen profession. To achieve this personal goal, interning at my career oriented firm is not an option but a necessity.

WAB meets my need based requirements and proposed objectives for an internship program in my career and it is for such reason I have a keen interest for an internship position. WAB will provide me the opportunity to apply the theories and techniques learnt in classroom in the real world. Through exposure and working with the cutting edge technology and high trained professionals at WAB, I would gain basic knowledge of my career field which will aid in easy comprehension of what is being taught in my pursuing discipline and would hone my employment and leadership skills.

After years of professional technology and managerial experience and success in the IT industry, my professional goal is to live comfortably and to gain recognition for the services which I would render to the society. I hope to establish my own firm that will contribute immensely in refining technology in third world countries regions and with the accrued profits provide quality education and better lives for the less privileged children in these poor regions of the world. This has always been a self driven intent which I look forward to accomplishing someday.

Interning at WAB, I would like to broaden my perspective on real world technology issues, problems and a creative approaches to solving these problem. I hope to polish my employment, leadership skills and to acquire hand on experience through working with complex technology tools and skilled professionals. In meeting the WAB set goals and her clients' needs, I intend to bring along with a great deal of honesty, passion and enthusiasm in executing assigned projects and to contribute new innovative ideas and to foster a positive work environment. I look forward to a positive consideration in the WAB scholarship/internship program.

Please, I need a constructive criticism. Thanks.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 4, 2011   #2
...pursuing the discipline - Computer Science at Voorhees College.

I have faced the reality associated with investigating the options available in the technology field and with a scrutiny of my passion, personal and entrepreneurship skills I strive with steadfast determination to become a computer and information system manager.---Awesome, I like the energy in this writing style. You are very good!

... my professional goal is excellence, to leverage my experience and expertise in the field of technology for my clients' benefits.----- This is obvious, and certainly a reasonable goal, but I think it will be better if it tells the reader something closer to your heart, something philosophical about your goal of living in a meaningful way by doing this kind of work. It is not helpful to say you want to benefit clients with your expertise, because that is too obvious.

You are definitely going to impress them with this essay, but I think you can take out some sentences that you think the reader might not be interested in... I challenge you to take out some words and sentences by eliminating the weakest parts or saying things in more efficient ways. Less is more. :-)
OP Chigozie 13 / 22 2  
Jan 6, 2011   #3
Thank you for editing my essay. I have editied it and kindly request that you look at it to see whether I should add or remove any irrelevant ideas.
OP Chigozie 13 / 22 2  
Jan 7, 2011   #4
Please I need more editing. Somebody should please give a constructive criticism. Thanks
OP Chigozie 13 / 22 2  
Jan 8, 2011   #5
Urgent response is highly needed. Please the deadline of this essay is fast appproaching. Please somebody should assist me in proreading and editing. All comments and criticisms wil be highly appreciated. Thanks in anticipation for your assistance.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 30, 2011   #6
Hi, I'm sorry if I was too slow and missed the deadline.

All this content is great. If you still have the ability to work with this essay, I think you should try to sharpen the focus. This is a simplistic goal: "I strive with steadfast determination to become a computer and information system manager." -----It is powerfullly worded, but I think you should replace the words "become a computer and info systems manager" with some words that express your specific, specialized interests.

:-) That will sharpen the focus of the whole essay.


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