The essay is for a scholarship that I feel I represent.
Courage to Grow Scholarship
The prompt is below. A rough, rough ROUGH draft is below. It was my first shot at writing, and is far from polished. All and any criticism and critiques are greatly welcomed and appreciated. Thanks in advance!
PROMPT:Please explain in 250 words or less why you believe that you should be awarded this scholarship (Note: Spelling, punctuation, and grammar are important.)
I should be awarded the Courage to Grow scholarship because I've got heart (confidence, faith, and determination)! I invest in self knowledge. I serve my communities! I study! I read! I learn other languages!
I know that I've got a lot of people counting on me. I've got my parents counting on me. My grandmother! My nieces, nephews! My unborn child!
Everybody has a struggle. My parents can't afford to pay for my college education either. My family members have suffered from tragic illnesses and lives have been lost too. I'm no different in that regard, but what I strongly believe is that I've got the courage to grow. And I know that it takes heart to have that courage to grow.
The very blood that flows through my veins had the courage to grow. My ancestors died as slaves and laborers from Africa to Jamaica so that one day their future generations would one day be able to achieve and have and do anything and everything they ever dreamed of.
So I wake up every morning blessed. I am living a dream; studying abroad in Europe, living in and traveling from France to Italy and to Spain. I get to serve at local high schools in Paris, assisting and even teaching English classes. I get to hand out meals to the less fortunate at Parisien soup kitchens. I get to be a translator for my fellow classmates that can't speak French! And I love it all.
As best stated by Henry David Thoreau in his Walden (1854), "... if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours." With all due consideration, I'm need of this scholarship, but I feel that I should be awarded this honor because I've got the heart to carry on into my dreams.Well.... I think you must first pay attention to the flow of ideas in your essay. They seem to be scattered here and there and do not flow logically. If you want to show them tht you have confidence, faith and determination tell them through real life events. Tell them about such incidents that you did not loose your heart and fought back. You can tell about the hardships of your ancestors, but those stories need to have some relevance to your story. For example;
Everybody has a struggle. My parents can't afford to pay for my college education either. My family members have suffered from tragic illnesses and lives have been lost too.
So tell those problems in a more descriptive manner so that they would understand your problems.
Avoid making statements without proof... It's good to talk through real life experiences, incidents etc.
