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Conquering Shyness - Describe a time you overcame an obstacle


Petso 1 / 2  
Apr 29, 2014   #1
Describe a time you overcame an obstacle.

My life began with a series of calamitous and demoralizing events. My parents had made a decision that I hoped would never happen: moving. To a young child, being the "new kid" in school was perhaps the worst thing that could ever happen. As the new kid, I never made much friends because I never had to--all of my previous friends knew me before we were even tiny toddlers hobbling around. The friendships that I made didn't last too long because I moved, again. To move twice within a year's interval was like getting your soul drained--it felt like there was nothing worth living for. It goes without saying that the times I had to depart were absolutely gut-wrenching.

Years went on with me being the socially awkward outcast; I was at rock bottom. I bleakly shuffled around most of the time wishing there was an opportunity to change my life. Well, that wish came true with the introduction of high school. My life would be erased once more, but this time I was prepared.

The friends I made previously were all from the "friend of a friend" method. Relying on another to carve a path to friendship was not the ideal situation I wanted to be in. As a result, I mustered up all the confidence I could and began exploring the unknown world--in this case, high school. I would approach others with a forced, unnatural smile; it felt like a mechanism that was trying to move in a way that was not meant to be. As time progressed, however, my smiles soon felt genuine. From that point on, I began taking more initiative than ever before.

My new life began in a history classroom. Students were spread all around. Ms. Johnston, a radiant woman in her 40s, welcomed us. I didn't know it at the time, but my life would take a major change of course because of her. The class was perfect, no one knew anyone; I could leave my past behind me. Admittedly, education was not my priority at first. All I cared about was branching out to people and befriending them. One day, however, Ms. Johnston surprised me by saying I was an excellent student. Excellent. I nearly swooned from such a simple compliment. It was at that moment that I realized I had potential to expand even further. I took pride in what she said and from there, my focus shifted to both socialization and education.

Toward the end of freshman year, I realized that I made more friends in a single year than I did in my previous five years--and all while maintaining good education. It was one of the greatest milestones I ever made. More encouraging words from Ms. Johnston and the constant exposure to new people made me develop a love for public speaking. With my confidence peaking, I decided to run for an office position for the Future Business Leaders of America and, to my surprise, I became elected. After countless years of endurance, I finally became what I have always wanted to be: an extrovert.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Apr 29, 2014   #2
My life began with a series of calamitous and demoralizingevents

... I feel the tone here is a bit overdone. Moving is not as severe as you becoming an orphan... I hope you get what I mean. So, I think it is better you tone down the effect of your idea a bit.

... that I hoped would never happen: movingMoving

.... this is fine. Capitalize "moving". You can even open your essay with this line :)

Excellent. I nearly swooned from such a simple compliment.

.... nice :)
I think you've done a good job.... you need to attend to the first para only :D ....the rest is fine :)
brandymhunter 2 / 15 2  
Apr 29, 2014   #3
While reading your essay, my first thought was to respond about having had a similar childhood. To begin reading a writer's work for the purpose of proofreading, and then to find myself immersed instead in the content, is a thrill. You are a very good writer Petso.
OP Petso 1 / 2  
Apr 30, 2014   #4
Thanks for the feedback! You guys really boosted my confidence--like Ms.Johnston!

I was hoping for advice on the transition from shyness to extroversion. I had a bit difficulty there and was thinking it was pretty weak. Maybe it's all in my mind? Maybe not?


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